The Super Duper Mega Secret Diary Of Sirius Black
by Tomo Potter
Summary: Harry picked up the book, meaning to replace it in the photo frame, but instead he found himself opening it, his eyes fixing themselves to the first page without his permission, absorbing the messy cursive handwriting transfixedly. RLSB HPRW slash
1. Entry 1

A/N: It's funny what inspiration hits you when you're reading DH for the fourth time, and are ju-u-u-u-ust about to drift off. I was reading, and my exhausted brain went 'Hey! Now THAT'S an idea!' and then I fell asleep. And promptly woke up 4 hours later when DH hit the floor loudly (Big book+top bunkloud sound) the first thought in my mind being 'Hey, now that's an idea!' without any capitals or extra exclamation marks, as it was a slightly less inviting prospect at 5 AM than it was at 1 AM.

Drivel aside, ONWITHTHESTORY!!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or settings. Matter of fact, a couple paragraphs from the start are from page 147 of the Australia-NZ version of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, by J.K. Rowling. I have indicated these by placing a hyphen (-) at the start of each paragraph. The immediately following paragraph is similar to the first one on page 148, but I fully wrote it x)

Warning: Foulmouthedness, homosexual relations between two men and your mum.

Dedicated to; Melita (rainbowxcrayons) aaaajhhgjgkbahKKFFJbaklsgbwaaaaaaaah HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIRIUS!! -asphyxiating hug- I couldn't live without you filling my heart with Siriussy goodness! You are the Sirius to my Remus (only the personalities are sort of switched LOL), the chocolate to my milk, the rainbow to my hideously emo. I LOVE YOU!

**The Super Duper Mega Secret Diary Of Sirius Orion Black**

-Harry continued up the stairs until he reached the topmost landing, where there were only two doors. The one facing him bore a nameplate reading _Sirius_. Harry had never entered his godfather's bedroom before. He pushed open, holding his wand high to cast light as widely as possible.-

-The room was spacious and must, once, have been handsome. There was a large bed with a carved wooden headboard, a tall window obscured by long velvet curtains and a chandelier thickly coated in dust, with candle stubs still resting in its sockets, solid wax hanging in frost-like drips. A fine film of dust covered the pictures on the walls and the bed's headboard; a spiders web stretched between the chandelier and the top of the large wooden wardrobe and as Harry moved deeper into the room, he heard a scurry of disturbed mice.-

All around the walls, hangings in Gryffindor colours assailed Harry's eyes, and he blinked. It was like being back in his common room. Teenage Sirius had clearly wanted to resist his parents in any way possible. There were also posters for rock bands of the time, some muggle ones Harry recognised (Sirius had evidently been a Beatles fan) and some bands he had never heard of, which could potentially be wizarding bands. Between the music posters were several muggle pictures of motorbikes, some even with bikini-clad girls sitting astride them. You really had to admire Sirius' daring. And his sticking charms. The photo caught Harry's eye, as it was the only moving on the wall. It was the four marauders, arms around each other, laughing and happy in their teenage years.

Harry studied it intensely, until a flicker of motion caught in his peripheral vision. He spun around, wand raised, to find himself pointing his wand at a small picture on Sirius' bedside table. Moving closer, Harry picked up the thickly framed picture, not sure he believed what he was seeing. He raised it right to his face, to take in every detail, to realise it was real.

The picture was a simple enough scene, played over and over. Two teenage boys sat on a rock next to the lake at Hogwarts, seemingly unaware of anything but each other's eyes. They stared at each other lovingly for a few seconds, the dark haired boy reaching for the other's hand, and then ever so slowly their faces moved together in a sweet, loving kiss. And yet Harry was entirely unable to comprehend that this was real. The two boys were Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

After a minute of desperate staring, Harry flopped down onto Sirius' bed, a light cloud of dust flying into the air. Sirius and Remus. They were gay. They had been a couple. They were together. Suddenly desperate to know more, to know everything, Harry examined the photo frame. It had felt oddly thick and heavy in his hand, and now he saw that the frame was indeed much thicker than usual. The back didn't even seem to come near touching the photo. _'Weak hiding place, Sirius.' _Harry thought, sliding the back out. A slim, leather bound book fell out and hit the floor with a 'whumph' noise, falling with the words 'The Super Duper Mega Secret Diary Of Sirius Orion Black' face up, embossed in gold on the cover. Harry picked up the book, meaning to replace it in the photo frame, but instead he found himself opening it, his eyes fixing themselves to the first page without his permission, absorbing the messy cursive handwriting transfixedly.

_December 25, 5th year, _read the date.

_Well, Loony-Moony-fo-Foony gave me this diary for christmas, so I may as well use it. I rather think he meant it for scholastic purposes, but Remus knows I don't study. It makes me break out in a rash. And we wouldn't want my perfect skin blemished, now would we?_

_As you may have guessed from the inscription on your cover (Thanks again to Moonbeam for helping me.) I am Sirius Black, and you are my diary. I feel rather girly having a diary, but then again, I'm Sirius Black, macho man of the Gryffindor Tower. I'm allowed to be girly. It keeps me looking my best for the ladies. _

_I have four best mates; James "Prongs, I'm A Stupid Poncy Stag" Potter, Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew, and Remus "Moony/Moonbeam/Moonlight/whatever else I can think of to annoy him, as he is hilarious when he's contemplating my murder." Lupin. My nicknames are "Padfoot," and "Hairy Mutt," if you're curious. We're all animagi illegally (three guesses to what we all are) except Moonshine, he's a werewolf, and the reason we became animagi. Or is it animaguses? You know, I've been one for six months, and I still have no idea what the plural is. I'll ask Prongs later. Anyway, collectively, we're known as The Marauders, scourge of teachers, prefects, and grotty Slytherins everywhere. The only exceptions from those rules are Moonchild, who just made prefect, and Lily Evans, who dear Prongsie-Wongsie has the hots for. _

_Well, today's christmas. We just finished exchanging presents, and now Moonface is reading by the fire, Prongs is stuffing his face with sweets, and Wormtail is watering the plant Remus gave him. Poor boy's hopeless at keeping anything alive, but maybe he'll manage this year. I sincerely doubt it._

_I got a brilliant new motorbike poster from James, it's a beauty... red, with a nice bikini wearing bird on it. There's one for the wall at home. I'm getting myself a bike as soon as I can afford one. Wormtail gives the best presents, he gave me a huge box full of prank stuff and sweets. Fantastic boy. Moon-moon-moony moon, as usual, gave me a book. I'm actually going to use this one though. Not for studying. Moonflower isn't as smart as we all tease him for being if he really thinks I'll use this for study. _

_I'm rubbish at presents most of the time, but I outdid myself this year. I gave Prongs a bunch of Quidditch memoribilia, posters and figurines and junk. His parents will kill me, his walls are already plastered with posters of Quidditch, or of girls, or of girls playing Quidditch. Prongs loved them though. I got Moony a book, as usual. Not creative, but he seems to like it. I got Wormtail a new chess set; he's bloody marvellous at it, but his old set was all worn out and old, they could barely beat each other off the board. _

_So who wins at gift giving this year?_

_Sirius Black. That's who. _

_I got the usual present from my family this year; a dirty look from my brother, and something evil looking from my mother. Threw both of them in the fire, where they belong. _

_Oh crap, Prongsie spotted Lily._

_I had better stop writing, all hell is about to break loose._

_-Sirius._

_A/N: Short first chapter XD Mostly cuz I have to be ready to leave for the weekend in an hour. -eep- enjoy, more to come!_


	2. Entry 2

A/N: I still fully love Melita. Even if I accidentally broke her rose D:

I AM SO SORRY MELITA T.T

Disclaimer: Me no owney!

Warning: Slash, swearing, Sirius is a prick.

Dedication: Melita, you make my heart sing! And Sirius fully makes Remus' heart burst out into a scarily complicated opera. :D

**The Super Duper Secret Diary Of Sirius Orion Black**

Harry stopped reading, not sure if he wanted to know more. Sure, his godfather was dead, but it wasn't right to pry into his private past. Instead, Harry examined the cover. Though the diary was clearly very beaten and worn (and even looked as though it had been dropped into water once) it was clearly very well cared for, Sirius had obviously gone to great lengths to keep it safe. It's contents must have been very dear to him.

Looking up, Harry's eyes met the wall again. They were drawn to the photo of four teenage boys, arms around each other, filled with joy and delight. Sirius had to be around sixteen in that picture, just like the one by the lake. Had he and Remus already been dating then? Harry watched the photo's movement intently, determined to figure out their deepest secrets. James looked pretty oblivious of anything that may or may not be going on, grinning widely, just happy to be there with his friends. Peter looked elated; on top of the world at Sirius' arm around him, thrilled that he was included in the coolest gang in school. Next to him, Sirius was grinning, filled with a similar pleasure to James', though there was a slight glint in his eyes that made Harry suspicious, and he kept on peeking over to Remus when he thought Harry wasn't looking. Remus too, was sneaking glances at Sirius, though he was far better at hiding it. He looked surprised that he had friends, slightly shocked that James would want to have his arm around him, that Sirius would want to sneak glances at him. It was sad, in a way.

Harry stood up, diary abandoned on the bed, determined to find more details somewhere, to uncover the secrets of Sirius and Remus' relationship, through means other than reading his diary. He went through Sirius' closet with new vigour, searching everywhere he could think of. He found nothing, until he looked under the mattress. There was a small box, cleverly built into the bedframe, which Harry opened entirely by accident. He peeked in curiously, the small box was clearly a lot larger than it appeared. Stacked inside were hundreds of photos, all of the same people. Remus and Sirius holding hands, Remus and Sirius sleeping on the lawn, Sirius feeding Remus breakfast, Sirius straddling Remus and kissing him hungrily... Harry blushed, and turned that photo upside down. He didn't particularly want to face that any time soon. Since none of these photos offered any real answers, only more glaring evidence, Harry returned to the journal.

_December 31, 5th year_

_I, Sirius Orion Black, am drunk._

_The Maraudors are selebrating (oh fuck, that really dusen't look right.) the new year in stile. With firewhiskey and the 5th year birds. We're all in the boys dorm playin hide and seek. I'm under my bed and desideded to write something, as this is the last day of this year, and derserves to be comemajulated with more than a drinking contest._

_So here it is, my second and last diary entery of the year. HAPPY NEW YEAR!_

_Fuck, I am wasted._

And then, on the same page...

_January 1, 5th year_

_I hate girls. They cheat at truth or dare._

_Well, I'm hung over as hell, so I figure I'll explain last night. I was pretty hammered, firewhiskey is really excellent stuff. Just after I'd put my diary away (I refuse to refer to this book as 'you', like it was a living person.) Lily dearest found me, and we all decided to play truth or dare._

_It was all fun and games for awhile... Wormy's dyed his hair pink for a month, and Moonyknickers isn't allowed to use the word important for the rest of the day. He's in shock, it's one of his favourites. (This essay is important, studying is important, good behaviour is important, brushing your teeth five million times a day is important.) _

_So yeah, as I said, all good fun, until Lily got to dare. She and the other girls whispered for about ten minutes, and then she sat up and announced..._

_"Sirius Black, I DARE you to kiss Remus Lupin."_

_Err... yeah. I don't mind showing my mates I love them, Prongsie is always complaining that I hug him way too much, (oddly Moonblossom never seems to mind) but I don't go for kissing blokes. Unless... fuck it, I've never said this before. It's not easy. Fuck._

_So... I'm gay._

_I'm now fighting the desire to tear this page into tiny shreds and burn the shreds and eat the ashes on toast so nobody will ever know._

_But... yeah. I don't want to kiss a bloke unless it's for real. Sappy, I know, but there it is. I'll kiss a bird, no problem. Easy. But a bloke? No way._

_But there was the dare. Prongs' future wife (or so says he anyway) is pure evil._

_What pisses me off more than anything though, is how much it embarrassed Moonbunny. He turned redder than I've ever seen him before, and stared straight into his lap. I guess that's what prompted me to act, in true Sirius Black fashion, albeit drunkenly._

_"Lillers, m'dear. Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a schnog fr'm me?" Is roughly how I recall my response. She shook her head, and I crawled over to Moonhead._

_"Ok'y Moonybum, puck'r up." I believe were my exact words, and I kissed him._

_And God, it was fantastic. Kissing Remus is like kissing some kind of drunken kissing God._

_And I swear, he never looked more beautiful to me than in that moment._

_I am so ruddy confused._

Harry frowned ever so slightly, a memory long forgotten picking at the edges of his mind. No matter how hard he tried though, he couldn't quite remember, and shook it off, turning the page. The next page was slightly crinkled, as though it had been smooshed up, and then straightened out.

_January 2, 5th year_

_I want to die._

_Remus hates me. _

_Okay, okay, backing up. Maybe if I go over this from the start, it'll make more sense._

_Well. I was just down in the common room. I didn't talk to Remus all yesterday, he was working on an essay. Bloody workaholic, that lad is. _

_Anyway. I was in the common room and he came downstairs... he looked at me, then looked away, turned red as red, and went to sit on the other side of the room._

_Being the idiot I am, I didn't really take into account that he might want to be left alone, so I went and sat on the side of his seat. This is roughly how the conversation followed._

_"Whatcha doing, Moonster?"_

_"Sirius, leave me alone please."_

_"Oooh, someone's in a moody. What's up your butt, Moonblossom? Tell Paddy-poo all about it."_

_"Would you stop calling me that?" (This was said as close to shouting as Remus ever gets. He's impossible to get angry, I swear. Hence why I was so scared by this.)_

_"Why? You never minded before, Moonbunny."_

_"Well, I mind now. Leave me alone Sirius."_

_"What's this about? What did I do wrong this time?"_

_"Just piss off." (This is where I got really freaked. Remus NEVER swears.)_

_"What's gotten into you, Rem? You never swear."_

_"It doesn't matter. Just leave me alone."_

_"Remus, problems always seem a lot better when you share with a friend."_

_"Not when the friend is the problem." (Insert me looking shocked here.)_

_"But why? Remus, what could you possibly be mad at me for? I haven't even spoken to you for two days?"_

_"It's not the talking that's the problem."_

_"Remus, what's the matter? Just tell me!"_

_"You want to be told? FIne. You're a bastard, and you stole my first kiss." _

_Then Remus got up and stormed off to the library, and I came up here._

_Bloody hell. I didn't realise he'd never been kissed before. Normally, I'd make some stupid joke about picking the best for first, but I'm too upset. Why didn't he tell me then? Or stop me? Or kick my drunken arse back to bed? I swear, I don't understand men, even though I am one. _

_I don't even want Remus that way. He's my best mate. I'd tell him (almost) anything._

_...Or do I?_

Harry blinked, confused. The urge to read on was overwhelming. Hungry for more, he turned the page.

_A/N: HOORAY FOR WRITING. I'm enjoying this story because I'm not too worried about loooong chapters, or my writing being absolutely impeccable or anything, I'm just writing what feels good, and right now I'm in such a slump that it's a real healer. Boo writers block, suck on this!_

_REVIEW RESPONSAGES._

_GryffindorAtHeart: lol I did warn... but you noticed that XD Also, you should NEVER apologise for a long review! Long reviews make me flail with GLEE!_

_demmons1399: XD As I said earlier, the story is set during Deathly Hallows, when Harry, Hermione, and Ron are staying at 12 Grimmauld Place._

_And thanks for reviewing to; Meredith Trainor, ayydereVoltaire, Beth5572, dracolover18, riseofafallenangel, and ranger girl._

_ily Melita._

_See you all next time!_


	3. Entry 3

_A/N: Melita made an emo heart. A shiny emo heart XD I fully love it. x3_

_Disclaimer: Funnily enough, in the time between this chapter and the previous one, I have not mysteriously morphed into JK Rowling, or otherwise acquired these characters._

_Warning: Swearing, slashing, sexy-ing._

_Dedicated to Melita. As ever. If you were a gay guy I'd write fanfiction about you. Possibly slashed with Matthew. Now that's hot._

**The Super Duper Mega Secret Diary Of Sirius Orion Black**

Harry turned the page carefully, and immediately realised this was the side that had been crumpled. It was obvious by the large bold words in the middle of the page;

_HOLY CRAP REMUS IS COMING IN I WILL SIT ON THIS DIARY RIGHT NOW._

Harry smiled slightly, and started from the top.

_January 5, 5th year_

_Remus still hates me..._

_I haven't talked to him for three days, noone has. He hasn't even been at meals, he's been eating in the kitchens, and hiding out all day in the library, waiting until we're all asleep to go to bed, and getting up way before us. I hope this doesn't continue. At this rate I'll actually be glad for classes to start, so I can see him. _

_I suppose I should have guessed he hadn't been kissed before, that bloke never dates. He never even eyes birds up with Jamie and I. Still, I always just assumed he'd at least had a snog. God, he's good looking enough._

_Ack bad thoughts bad thoughts I do not want to think these things._

_But seriously, Remus isn't exactly hard on the eyes. Especially since he started growing his hair out a bit. What a rebellious thing for a young Prefect to do! His hair's down to his shoulders now, all shiny and nice, getting close to the same length as mine. It looks really soft too. I wonder if he'd mind if I stroked it sometime..._

_I AM NOT THINKING THIS. AT ALL._

_HOLY CRAP REMUS IS COMING IN I WILL SIT ON THIS DIARY RIGHT NOW._

After this, the writing was slightly warped by the folds in the paper, and also looked on the frenzied side; clearly Sirius had been in a hurry to jot down his thoughts. Reading what it said, Harry wasn't surprised.

_Um. Holy fucking shit on a stick. _

_Remus just came into the dorm, sat down on my bed next to me, and started to talk. God, he will never stop confusing me. Here's what he said._

_"Okay Sirius, I've been a prat, but shut up and listen. I'm really sorry for avoiding you, and what I said the other day, but I was really mixed up, and not sure what I wanted to say, but I think I know now, but you can't tell anyone because if you do I'll have to drown myself in the lake, and that wouldn't be good for anybody though I may have to do that after I tell you this anyway so please don't freak out or attack me or anything because that would be really really bad and..."_

_At this point I had to clap a hand over his mouth to keep him from hurting himself. He regrouped and kept talking. _

_"So um... I haven't told anyone this before, even my mum, and you have to promise not to scream or hurt me or throw me out a window or push me in the lake because I'll do that myself if you want but I think-"_

_"Remus!" I interrupted._

_"Sorry." He blushed and looked away and then muttered something._

_"What?"_

_"I'm gay." I barely heard him. But that was it. _

_"Oh." Was pretty much all I could say._

_"Yeah." He replied, and then I hugged him, and he cried on my shoulder. After that he left, mumbling something about the library, and I just sat here. _

_I'm pretty much stunned. Wow._

_I didn't tell him about myself, it didn't seem right. Would have been awkward. Besides, I don't think I'm quite... there yet. Maybe some other time..._

_This is... wow though. And Remus. Remus is..._

_Wow. _

_What if..._

Harry blinked. Sirius seemed to already fancy Remus, though he hadn't quite let himself realise it yet. Again getting that nagging feeling he was prying into something he shouldn't, Harry turned the page.

_January 6th, 5th year_

_Today has just been a big pile of awkward. Fun, right? _

_All day Remus has barely spoken to anyone, but at lunchtime he dragged me away and he talked a bit more. He told me he's known he was gay since second year, but he never had the heart to tell anyone, and he was sorry for freaking out, (not that I don't understand why he freaked) and I apologised, and admitted I hadn't exactly been comfortable with it either, and then he laughed, and we joked about our revenge on Lily. He perked up after that, and we chatted and joked all the rest of the day, like usual. It was good getting back to normal. Prongsie and Wormie weren't around... Wormtail and a guy from the chess club were apparently having an all afternoon match, and Prongers was writing a list of ways to woo Lily, so it was just Rem and me. It was good. Sometimes when he's being all prefecty we forget why we made Remus a Marauder, but when we're just mucking around, it always comes back. He has such a weird (but good) sense of humour. It was pretty excellent. We worked on our Revenge Plan Of Doom, which is getting pretty elaborate. And funny. I just hope Lily likes pudding. And swimming. And public nudity. And frogs. Heh. Then we just mucked about... with no homework to nag about, Remmers is Mr. Fun. We just hung out, and he utterly surprised me after awhile._

_"Hoi. I spy a rather fetching bird over there, talking to that bloke." I said. To tell the truth, I was looking at the bloke, but Remus didn't need to know that, now did he?_

_"She's nothing. That bloke she's talking to... yum." Remus said, licking the corner of his lip adorably. I just stared at him, and he laughed._

_"The look on your face is priceless!" He said, and I laughed too._

_It was pretty good, after awhile I pointed out some blokes to him, and he pointed out some birds to me (Though to be honest I'd much rather have the blokes) and we laughed and laughed... and then wound up sitting pretty much in each other's laps. We didn't really notice for awhile, and then we both noticed at once, and sort of scooted apart. After that it was a bit awkwarder, and Remus wound up going to the library to read. I can't help being really disappointed. It was fun. Rem's a good mate._

When Harry turned the next page, something fell out. The pages were covered by a blotty stain, a short scribble in Sirius' handwriting, saying '_Shit. Spill. Will continue on next page._' And a much neater scrawl Harry didn't recognise followed. It was obvious enough who the writer was by the words.

'_Siri, here's a page from the diary I was keeping at the time. Thought it might interest you. Or amuse you. Whichever. Love you always._'

Frowning, Harry picked up the folded piece of paper that had fallen down, and unfolded it, taking in Remus' much easier to read handwriting.

_January 7th, fifth year, 11:45 PM_

_It's been awhile since I wrote, I'm sorry. All the homework, and the stress with Sirius. My last entry was on New Years, so I don't need to mention that one again. Though I would like to emphasise that it was uREALLY REALLY GOOD/u. _

_Anyway. I talked to Sirius, and I confessed to him. I was terrified, but i did it, and he accepted me. Just like that, he hugged me. I cried, I'm not sure why. I'd honestly expected him to be disgusted which, when you think about it, is irrelevant, as he deals with me being a Werewolf just fine. Just telling him made me feel a lot better, but the next day I told him more, and he just listened and accepted it, and then he hugged me, and made a joke, and the universe was back in alignment._

_...For the time being. In the evening, things went kind of bad again. We kinda wound up sitting on each other, and got really uncomfortable. Sirius was disgusted of course, I should have known it was too good to be true. Nobody wants to be friends with a poofy werewolf. One or the other, maybe, but a combination is just too much for even the best friend. I couldn't stand being around him anymore, so I went to the library and cried for awhile. _

_Today I avoided him for as long as I could. Played chess in the RoR with Peter, read in the library, wandered around the lake. Sirius didn't find me until just after dinner time, when I was heading to the kitchens to eat. I opened the portrait, and he was right behind it. _

_"What's up, Moonybutt?" He asked. He does that silly names thing just because he knows it annoys me. I prefer to go by Remus. Knowing Sirius though, he'd just wind up calling me Remmie-Pleghmmy-Gemmy-Poo-Bananas or something. That's just the kind of guy he is. _

_"I'm getting something to eat. Missed dinner."_

_"I noticed. Rem, what's up?" That threw me for a second. That's the most adorable thing I've ever been called. I hope he calls me it again. Normally Sirius only calls me Remus when in Serious Mode, but this was Caring Mode, where I usually go by Moony._

_Yeah, I know him really well. Shut up._

_"Er... What do you mean?"_

_"Remus, you know. Why have you been avoiding me since last night?"_

_"Oh, like you don't know. You're disgusted by me. I'm a fucking poofy werewolf, nobody wants to be friends with a poofy werewolf."_

_He gawked at me. "Remus, are you insane? God, you, James, and Pete are my best friends. I didn't ditch you because you were a werewolf, Rem. I'm not gonna ditch you because you're gay."_

_I swear, he's TRYING to make me fall in love with him. I hugged him, he returned it, and I found myself crying on him again. How wet am I? Though, to my surprise... he was crying too. Sirius held me to his chest (I know I've mentioned several times that he's really tall, and I'm below average.) and he was shaking, and there was this wet patch on top of my head. He said something, but I didn't hear him._

_"What'd you say?"_

_"I... nothing, Rem." Sirius smiled, wiping his face quickly, as manly men such as Sirius never cry. "Come on, I'm starved!"_

_"You just had dinner!" I grinned._

_"Nah. Been waiting for your sorry arse. You'd better be grateful."_

_After that we ate and laughed and then went up to bed. School's starting next week (Today's Friday) and I'm not actually looking forward to it, for once. Spending all day with mates just messing around, staying up late is nice. I think I may be delirious, actually not looking forward to the start of school. Sirius would declare that I was sick, and needed to spend the day in bed, as I clearly wasn't myself. _

_Shut up. I'm not obsessed with him._

_I just fancy him._

Harry folded the page up in a slight daze, and returned it to it's place in the diary. He wondered if Sirius had ever actually gotten to read it before he died, or if it would just sit there forever. A slight sadness filled Harry, as he turned to the next page.

_A/N: MWAHAHAHA I FINISHED THE CHAPTER THERE I AM SO FULL OF EVIL AHAHAHAHA_

_Anyway, I love reviewers._

_riseofafallenangel: Eww. I hate tin cherries. You, my friend, have taste in food. XD_

_Mahleetah: Remus loves you too. Loves you with cake. x3_

_And thanks to Beth5572 and dracolover18._

_Also, thanks to Miss Pessimist from the Emilie Autumn Online forum, who read this and said she liked it :)_


	4. Entry 4

A/N: You know, writing and my friends are about the only good things in my life right now.

That really fucking says a lot, doesn't it?

(Yes, I'm feeling pretty down right now. Sigh. Hair dye gone wrong.)

Disclaimer: Still don't own.

Warning: The usual.

Dedication: Melita... the sweetest cake at the tea party. Heart.

**The Super Duper Mega Secret Diary Of Sirius Orion Black**

Harry turned the ink-stained page. The other side of it was slightly darkened, but Sirius had written all over it nonetheless, apparently at some speed.

_January 7th, fifth year._

_Some pretty weird stuff happened today..._

_Remus avoided me again. Sigh. I snuck off to the kitchens at dinnertime to talk to him, and... long story short, we made up. I don't have time to write down the whole conversation, as I really need some sleep right about now. Pretty much, he was worried I was disgusted by him, but I wasn't, we hugged and ate, and I shoved a sandwich down the back of his neck. Good times. He's in bed reading now, that boy never puts down the bloody books. Probably something to do with troll wars, he's taking notes. Sigh._

_Anywho, I'm pretty wiped. Think I'll just finish this sentence and go to sleep._

_Remus is lying down now. He's so beautiful. His eyes are still open though, he's staring at the quill on his bedside table. _

_I don't know why I haven't told him yet. I know he's not gonna wind up hating me, but still I can't bring myself to it. I've only recently accepted it myself, though I've always kind of known it. I'm not ready to put it into words for someone else yet._

_Not even someone I kind of fancy. A little bit._

The page opposite's writing looked neater and more thoughtful, as though Sirius was in a more pensive state. It had the same date, but was a different entry, later in the night.

_January 7th, fifth year._

_It was an accident, I swear. Kind of. An accident that was all my fault, as I am a stupid stupid idiot idiotic idiot. I'm even stupider than mum says I am._

_Okay, okay Sirius. Rewind. _

_So... I'm in the Room of Requirement. I needed to be as far away as possible. I understand Remus hiding in the library now. _

_I am in the Room of Requirement because I have fucked up my relationship with my best friend forever. _

_Technically, this shouldn't be seen as a fuck up, but I'm pretty sure it is. And Remus will never talk to me again, because Sirius Black can't keep his fucking libido in check._

_Okay. Okay. Rewind further. Let's just start at the start._

_So, when I stopped writing, I tried to sleep. Shut my eyes, head on the pillow, all that sort of thing. Didn't really work though, and I got up for a piss at about half past one, or so. When I got back, he was just somehow... there._

_Everything seems different at night time, a whole different world. And for whatever reason, Remus was the centre of this world. I went over to his bed and sat down. I think I just meant to look at him, I don't know. Not sure. But I was sitting there, and stroking his hair, and... I guess I couldn't help myself. I don't know why I didn't expect him to wake up. But I kissed him._

_It was only for a second, more of a peck than anything, but I guess it was enough. Remus' eyes flew open, and he just stared at me. And then I bolted._

_I don't know if he's looking for me, or if he's gone back to sleep, or even if he's cursing my name or anything._

_That's stupid. He's Remus. _

_He's probably okay with it._

_I mean, he's gay too._

_And a werewolf._

_Why is this so hard for me to admit._

_I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay. Homosexual, queer, poofter, faggot. I.Like.Men._

_Why can't I say it to anyone else?_

Harry turned the page without a thought, fully absorbed now, in his godfather's youth.

_January 8th, fifth year._

_I've been avoiding Remus all day... I haven't left the Room of Requirement yet. I know he's been outside, I heard him knocking, but I told the room not to let him in when I came here, and it held fast. He knows where I am now though, and every so often I think I hear something outside._

_I wonder if he's waiting for me._

_He can wait forever. I don't think I'll ever show my face ever ever ever._

_The more I think about it, the more stupid I realise I have been, and am still being._

_Remus isn't gonna hate me._

_I should open that door right now. _

_Okay. Here goes._

_I can't._

_I just can't. _

_I can't face it yet._

The writing here grew more frenzied, as though Sirius had been slightly distressed when writing. There were also wrinkled tear smudges dotting the whole thing.

_January 8th, fifth year._

_I can't believe I did it._

_I opened the door, and Remus was right there, reading a book, with a stack of sandwiches beside him. _

_He's a genius. One of the only things the room can't provide is food. _

_He held them up to me. "Hungry?"_

_I nodded, took a sandwich, and retreated. Remus put a bookmark in his page and followed._

_"Want to talk about it?" He asked._

_"No. I mean yes. I mean... I want to, but I don't know if I can."_

_"Of course you can. It makes it better."_

_"But..."_

_"If you're not ready, I can wait."_

_I shook my head. I didn't open the door so we could sit in silence, damnit. It was pretty much bravery time._

_"I'm gay."_

_"I figured." He gave me this awkward little smile._

_"Yeah." I smiled back._

_And then he kissed me. It was just a sweet, short kiss, but I understood. He held my hand, and I think I was crying. I am now, as a matter of fact._

_After that, he left without a word. I think he knew that was a big step, and I needed space. _

_So now here I am, crying, but happy. I did it. _

_I don't think I ever would have admitted it if it wasn't for Remus._

Harry smiled, turning another page. He had lost all track of time, fully enraptured in the tale of Sirius.

_January 9th, fifth year._

_Today was the greatest day of my life. _

_It was just amazing._

_Nobody else is back yet, just us Marauders, Lily, a couple of her friends, and a few others, and pretty much all of them are busy getting ready for school to start tomorrow (The train with the other students arrives in an hour.) _

_Remus and I pretty much had the run of the school. _

_It was like... a wordless thing. We didn't even need to explain anything to each other. When I woke up in the morning, he was there in the Room. He kissed me gently, and then we went to the kitchens for breakfast._

_We've spent the whole day in the grounds... holding hands, kissing, occasionally talking, but never about anything serious. God, I think I love him. Today was perfect. We had lunch under a weeping willow by the lake, and went for a swim in the late afternoon. It's almost dinnertime now, and Remus said we had to come back in, because he was cold, and had some last minute revision to catch up on. He's writing notes down right now, but he keeps looking at me and smiling that special smile, the one he only ever gives me._

_I don't know what'll happen now... I suppose we'll discuss this eventually, but for now I'm happy just to have him. I haven't felt this good in years._

_One thing's for sure; screw schoolwork and such. From now on, this diary is about Remus, and Remus alone._

_Speaking of Remus, I wonder when it was I stopped calling him Moony. I haven't called him Moony for a week now, it's always Remus or Rem, which he seems to like. _

_I suppose the Moony thing was more of a friend thing... we're closer than that now, it's just been discarded._

_And I don't mind._

_Because he moved over to the sofa I'm sitting on, and is sneakily holding my hand. God bless the fact that he's left handed, we can write and hold hands at the same time._

_I think I love him._

_A/N: HOORAY. I've figured out how I'm going to finish this story, AND what I'm going to make the sequel. OHOHO yes, sequel. Of sorts. Well actually, I had two ideas. I'd like to issue a vote, via review._

_IF YOU WANT THE SEQUEL TO BE REMUS' TAKE ON THINGS, MAKE SURE THE FIRST WORD IN YOUR REVIEW IS REMUS._

_IF YOU WANT THE SEQUEL TO BE SIRIUS' DIARY FROM HIS YOUNG ADULT YEARS, MAKE SURE THE FIRST WORD IN YOUR REVIEW IS SIRIUS. _

_And don't worry if you want them both; whichever one isn't picked, will be integrated into this storyline, be it just extending Sirius' diary into adulthood, or having more Remus pages stuck into Sirius' diary. _

_This vote will go on for two chapters, so you can vote on this chapter and the one that follows it (though I'll only count a vote from each person once, so if you already voted, tough.) and in the chapter after that, I'll announce the results. _

_Also, so you know, the next 'entry' will be a Remus one, and there'll be a bit of Harry action, and after that I'll skip rather a long period of diary-time. An entry that sweet deserves reverence. -hearts Sirius-_

_And now, reviewers!_

_dracolover18: I know D: Aww. Angst. Don't worry, I intend to answer that question. Because that's the kind of person I am. I love a happy ending. _

_"girl with the long hair": You know, you almost fooled me. It took me a whole half minute to realise who this was XD I do say the funniest crap. I'm a comedian. And you're adorable. ILY Sirius._

_And thank ye kindly for the reviews to EvilSquirrelGirl, ayydereVoltaire, EverlastingNight, and hand2sorrow. Y'all made my day :D_


	5. Entry 5

_A/N: I honestly don't know if I can top the last chapter in sweetness. But I'll try... -flexes fingers, then flexes brain-_

_Disclaimer: I still don't own them. But I own Melita. :P_

_Warning: Awwwww._

_Dedication: Melita's the sweetest cup at the tea party. HEART._

_Voting update: Thus far... REMUS: 4, SIRIUS: 4. Keep sending 'em in!_

_Quick note: I'm sorry. I only realised where I was going with this while I was writing the last chapter, and I didn't know quite how to break it to you. Just... keep reading. And don't kill me XD _

**The Super Duper Mega Secret Diary Of Sirius Orion Black**

Harry smiled. As much as it had stunned him at first, the idea of Sirius and Remus was seeming more right, more like something that just was. He even wondered why he hadn't noticed before; they had been closer than most best friends every time he had seen them together, and had even sent him a joint present at Christmas. He had assumed it was just because Sirius couldn't get out to go shopping, but when he actually thought about it, the real reason was clear.

They were together.

The more Harry thought about it, the more he realised he wanted something like that. There had always been something missing from his brief relationship with Ginny, and now he knew what it was. That odd sense of camaraderie, the feeling that this was your best friend, someone who would be there through thick and thin, who would love you unconditionally. Harry needed that, and Ginny couldn't give it to him. Also, she was too... soft. Not physically (Harry blushed at the thought of that day under the weeping willow.) but parts of her, he just didn't get. She was just too... Harry shook his head, banishing these thoughts. It was just the effect of reading this. He rubbed his temples briefly and turned the page. Again, Remus had taped a page of his own diary into Sirius' one, though this was clearly an old fixture, as Sirius had written nothing on the page beneath it.

_January 10th, fifth year, 10:27 PM_

_These last few days have been... well nothing short of breathtaking. I suppose I should start with the night after my last entry, since that was when things began. _

_I couldn't sleep for some reason, and I don't think Sirius could either. At the time I had no idea why, though I can guess now, heh heh. At about 1:30 in the morning he got up to use the loo. I was kind of dozing, I was only half asleep, and had my eyes shut, but I was still conscious of everything. He came back from the bog and sat on my bed. That really confused me... I wasn't sure why Sirius would want to watch me sleep, though again I know now. And then he kissed me._

_It was only for a second, but it woke me up fully. And I suppose he wasn't expecting that... Sirius just sort of stared at me, and then he ran. _

_I got dressed, borrowed James' cloak, and ran after him, but it was too late. I checked everywhere he usually hides, and wound up with the Room of Requirement. It was clearly spelled to keep me out, so that was an instant giveaway. I wound up sleeping outside it in my clothes, and spent the whole day there, only getting up for books and snacks, and to occasionally knock on the bit of wall the door usually hides in. _

_It didn't open until 4 in the afternoon, when I was considering giving up, and just giving Sirius the space he obviously wanted. I offered him one of my sandwiches, he took it, and invited me in. _

_We had a kind of... awkward conversation. I understood entirely though. And God, I love him for it._

_"Want to talk about it?" Was the first thing I asked. I know there are times when you just don't want to talk. _

_"No. I mean yes. I mean... I want to, but I don't know if I can." He kind of stammered in that adorable way he has._

_"Of course you can. It makes it better."_

_"But..."_

_"If you're not ready, I can wait."_

_He shook his head, and I smiled. _

_"I'm gay."_

_"I figured." I smiled at him kind of awkwardly_

_"Yeah." He smiled back._

_And then... I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I took his hand, and I kissed him. I could feel tears running down his cheeks, and I knew just how he felt, because it was just how I felt when he and James confronted me about being a werewolf. Only with kissing. And I think the kissing helps._

_After that, I left him. I think we both needed some time. _

_The next day was amazing. We didn't even need to say anything, we just knew it. We're a couple. Everyone else is revising for the start of lessons tomorrow, and we had the whole school to ourselves. We walked the grounds holding hands, kissing, sometimes talking, other times not. It was fantastic. I love him so much. Even when we were sitting in the common room (I was taking notes, and I think he was writing in a diary) he held my hand. _

_This morning, for whatever reason, we were both up really early. There was some kissing (okay fine, a lot. I swear, I'm becoming a slut at this rate. I see why Sirius likes it though.) and then we had The Relationship Talk. _

_It was really sort of easy. We both know each other so well we already knew the answers..._

_"So we're a couple?" Him._

_"Yep." Me._

_"Can we not tell anyone?" Him._

_"Only if I can still hold your hand and kiss you when nobody's looking." Me._

_"Nobody's looking at the moment..." Him._

_And that was it. About half an hour of kissing and talking about nothing in particular passed, then James and Pete got up. That was amusing, because Sirius flew out of my bed and into his own, pretending he was just getting up too. What a sweetheart. _

_Breakfast wasn't anything unusual. I'm glad I'm left handed, we can hold hands under the table and eat at the same time. And hold hands and write. And read. And do whatever else we want to look totally natural. It's fantastic. _

_The first lesson was Defence, and it's the only one I'll mention, as it's the only one that anything besides me missing half the lesson thanks to Sirius happened in. _

_Our first project is on Werewolves. _

_This is gonna be a piece of cake for all of us. _

_We have to write an essay on how to recognise the average werewolf. Sirius whispered to me that he's just gonna write "He's my boyfriend." And I giggled, because there's no way he'd do that. I don't know what I'll write though, my general idea so far pretty much consists of "He's on my bed, wearing my clothes, and his name's Remus Lupin."_

_Sirius says I should go with that. _

_Did I mention we're both lying in my bed? Well, we are. James and Pete are playing chess downstairs, so I'm lying between his legs and writing, and he's reading what I write and occasionally kissing my hair, and whispering something along the lines of "I love you, Rem.' Only he's messing it up, and saying things like "I love you...r quill, Rem. Where'd you get it?" I know what he means though. _

_Well I love you too, Sirius Orion Black. _

_For always._

_Pinky swear._

_I think I'll duplicate this page and give you a copy to stick in your diary, so you can look at it whenever you want. Because I do love you. And I love your hair, even if it's long and shaggy. And I love your hands, even if they keep trying to hold mine and messing up my writing. And I love your feet, even if they keep trying to grab mine and sending the book skittering away from my quill. Matter of fact, I love you because of those things. _

_No, that's not an excuse to be annoying. _

_Noooo_

_I love you._

Harry looked up from the book and breathed deeply. The scent of dust filled his nostrils, and he sneezed. There was a noise outside the room, and Harry froze. He had forgotten all about Ron and Hermione, still sleeping downstairs when he left them.

The door creaked open, and Ron's ginger head popped in, a grin splitting his face the second his eyes locked onto Harry. "There you are, mate. I was worried when I woke up and you weren't there."

"Where's Hermione?" Harry asked, slipping the diary under the blankets quickly.

"Still asleep... she's exhausted from all the spellcasting." Ron sighed, plopping onto the bed next to Harry. "So this was Sirius' room?" He asked. Harry nodded, watching Ron as he looked at the photo on the wall of the marauders, Remus and Sirius' subtle closeness becoming more and more obvious to Harry ever time he saw it. If you looked carefully, their hands were linked behind James' head.

"Blimey, your dad did look like you, didn't he?" Ron got back up, going over to examine the photo. As he crossed the room, another bit of movement caught Harry's eye. The photo on the bedside table. Ron hadn't noticed so far, but he would soon, and then... well, Harry didn't know. But suddenly, he didn't want Ron to know about this world he had discovered of his godfather's. He put the picture quickly on it's front while Ron looked at the marauder photo, then tried to look innocent and casual when Ron looked back to compare the two.

"Yeah, definitely family. He has the same mouth as you."

"You've been looking at my mouth then, eh?" Harry said without thinking, then blushed slightly. Ron, to his relief, laughed.

"Oh yeah. It's more interesting than Professor Binns any day."

Harry grinned. This was why he was friends with Ron. Ron just understood him, and accepted him. He didn't need to explain anything to Ron, or make any excuses, because Ron just knew, and Ron understood.

And that was what was missing.

The sudden knowledge hit Harry like a tidal wave, but at the same time he knew it was perfectly true. He fancied Ron. More than fancied... needed. The shock of this revelation must have shown on his face, because Ron was staring at him curiously.

"Harry, mate, you okay?" He asked, sitting down next to Harry again and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Er..." Harry felt his whole body heat up, and every drop of blood in his body head for his face. "Er..."

Ron cocked his head ever so slightly, in that adorable way he had. "What's up, mate? You can tell me, after all we've been through."

Yes. And Harry knew, somehow that he could tell Ron, but at the same time he couldn't. The words just hadn't been invented to show what he felt for Ron, who had always been there; Ron, who had comforted him through thick and thin; Ron, who cared for him always.

And so, Harry did the bravest thing he'd done in his life.

He moved forwards, pressing his lips firmly on Ron's.

The redhead was stunned for a second, and Harry almost panicked, thinking his friend would reject him, would be repulsed. That, however, was not the case. After the brief shock, Ron began to respond, wrapping his arms tightly around Harry, moving so Harry was on top of him, pressing Ron into the soft pillows of the bed. They did not part until the found themselves needing to breathe and even then didn't go far, still pressing every inch they possibly could together.

"Was wondering when you'd catch on." Ron muttered, grinning, and then kissed Harry, and they were kissing and touching, and the world was wonderful, and Harry thought he would die.

They only parted for breath and the occasional exchange of words for a full half hour, when Ron parted their lips one last time.

"I should go downstairs, start making something for breakfast. Hermione'll get worried if she wakes up and we're both missing."

Harry nodded; not wanting Ron to go, and knowing he had to at the same time.

"Don't worry, there'll be more of this later." Ron promised, pressing his lips ever so lightly to Harry's nose, before climbing off him (at some point, they had switched positions) and heading downstairs.

Harry simply lay there, breathless, for a full minute, before pulling himself up, scarcely believing what had just happened. Almost in a daze he pulled out the diary, shuffling to the page he had been at, and beginning to read.

_June 9th, fifth year._

_Well, we decided that this is going to be our anniversary, since it was our first real day as a couple. I know, it's been six whole months. And every second of them's been amazing. I love Remus so much, and he loves me, and it's pretty much fabulous._

_I'm only writing because today was special. Six months is a really long time, believe it or not. And boy did we celebrate in style. We had a picnic under the Weeping Willow, danced in the Room of Requirement, and spent the evening in front of the fireplace. We've been in Remus' bed since we went to bed, and I'm heading back over there as soon as stupid James has gone to sleep (We still haven't told anyone about us.) I think... something special may happen tonight. It just feels that way. And I'm kind of nervous as hell. What if I'm awful?_

_Well, I know Remus won't care. But I will. _

_Gods, this is so confusing._

_And I want it so much._

_Awesome, the dorm is filled with snores. _

_Wish me luck..._

The next page was smattered with tears, and the writing was all over the place.

_June 10th, 5th year._

_Oh god. _

_Oh god._

_Oh god._

_I don't even know what to say._

_Last night was magical and beautiful, everything it's supposed to be. We fell asleep in each others arms. I love him so much. _

_And... god. I don't know if Remus will ever manage to be that happy again._

_It's his mum._

_She raised him by herself ever since Remus can remember, his dad left shortly after he became a werewolf. From what Remus remembers, he was a decent bloke, but could be a bastard when he was drunk. Remus and his mum have always been really close, even closer than I ever got to him. He adores her, and she adores him. _

_And she died last night._

_About an hour or two after we drifted off, Professor McGonagall woke us up. I think she was stunned to see that we were both in the same bed, and naked, because she couldn't speak for a half minute, during which time we both attempted to hide in horror. She composed herself though, and acted like it was nothing. Good woman. _

_"Remus... It's your mother. She... She's just died."_

_Remus... God. I have never, ever seen him more devastated. His whole face crumbled. He didn't even cry, just looked like someone had shot him in the chest with a silver bullet. I couldn't even hug him, hold him to me, comfort him, because it wouldn't have done any good._

_"If... if you get dressed and head up to Professor Dumbledore's office, he will floo you and Mr. Black to St. Mungos." To her credit, Professor McGonagall's voice was very faint, and her whole face was pale. Remus just nodded wordlessly, and then she did the most motherly thing I've ever seen from her, and had James seen, she would never show her face again. She gathered Remus in a tight hug, and actually kissed his hair. He didn't hug her back, but I can tell he appreciated it. She left quickly after that, and we got dressed without a word. On the way to Dumbledore's office, Remus squeezed my hand tightly, and I held his back firmly in response. He didn't cry, just looked as though a bomb had dropped. Which it pretty much had._

_Dumbledore didn't say anything, didn't even comment on us holding hands, just pointed us to the fireplace. We flooed over quickly, and were transported straight to the corridor outside the room she had been in. Remus didn't even know she was in hospital. It apparently happened really quickly; a heart attack. _

_We sat in that corridor for probably ten minutes, but it felt like forever. Remus just gripped my hand, and I gripped his right back. Eventually a short, thin, depressed looking nurse opened the door, and wordlessly gestured for us. _

_Walking into that room with Remus was like walking into a nightmare, only you'll never get out again, because the nightmare's real. Remus just collapsed on her, crying. Nobody tried to stop him, though after awhile, he got off her, and walked over to me... I held him to my chest and he cried, and cried, and cried, and I don't think he'll ever stop crying inside. It's the only time I've ever seen him really really lose control. He just cried and cried and cried for hours. And I mean that literally. I held him the whole time, but even when she was moved to the mortuary and we followed, Remus was crying on me the whole way. He eventually fell asleep on my shoulder, and Dumbledore came to take us back to Hogwarts. Her funeral's in two days, and me, Remus, James, Lily, and Peter all have time off to attend. _

_Remus is asleep next to me in my bed right now. I'm going to try to sleep too, in a second. He's wrapped onto my shoulder... even now, there are tears in his eyes. _

_I wish my mother had died instead of his._

_She deserves it. Joanne didn't._

_A/N: I am the biggest bitch on the face of this planet. HOW FUCKING DARE I TAKE A BEAUTIFUL HAPPY SCENE OF BLISSFULNESS, AND GO AND KILL REMUS' MUM?_

_Oh yeah, because I'm a horrible person._

_Also, Harry/Ron! That was a surprise to me too. I didn't think of it until about the same time I thought of killing off Remus' mum. Hope it doesn't offend too many readers. I quite like this pairing, but I've never actually successfully written it before, so this is a new venture for me. I hope it goes well :D_

_If you've forgotten about the sequel voting, check the previous chapter. IF YOU VOTE IN SOME WAY OTHER THAN WHAT I SPECIFIED, I WILL NOT COUNT YOUR VOTE. ALL I WANT IS ONE WORD AS AN INDICATOR. Just to remind ye :D_

_Review timez!_

_blackdog7: I love the phrase "full of win" XD. Also, did I mention your penname is full of win?_

_Girl with the shiny emo heart: You can have MY shiny emo heart. _

_Ahem, cough cough. HAHA you got there eventually. Ciri says she's honoured to have been included in your review. -nod- Remus luvzorz you too, though he doesn't have any shiny emo hearts. He gave it to Sirius already. Awww._

_And thankie for the review to ayydereVoltaire, EvilSquirrelGirl, Cate, EverlastingNight, aussiebeck, Beth5572, chudely cannons 4 eva, riseofafallenangel, and ToLoveMyOtherSelf. -hugs all reviewers-_

_And again thanks to Miss Pessimist from the EAO forum :D_


	6. Entry 6

A/N: WAAAAH I AM A BAD PERSON AND DESERVE EVERY THREAT I GOT FOR THE LAST CHAPTER. HOW COULD I? -flail- I LOVE REMUS!

Final voting tally: REMUS 4, SIRIUS 4. As it's a tie, and this story is entirely for Lita (who I luff) I'll count her vote twice, meaning the winner is REMUS! YAY.

Disclaimer: If I owned them, don't you think this'd have happened in DH?

Warning: The usual.

Dedication: Lita. WHY DO YOU NEVER TOWN WITH US ON FRIDAYS? Oh well, I luff yooh anyway!

Extra note: Don't hate me for this chapter either. Plz. God, why the hell am I so mean to these two? I LOVE them!

**The Super Duper Mega Secret Diary Of Sirius Orion Black**

Harry felt a tear slide down his cheek unbidden as he turned the page. Remus had always exuded an air of calm, friendly peace, the idea of him losing control like that was a scary one. Not to mention how much he had suffered. To still be sane and smiling after all that showed true strength.

The next page was so shaky it was almost illegible, and was spotted with tear marks.

_July 11th, fifth year_

_The cat's out of the bag._

_Well... yeah. _

_I think Dumbledore made an announcement at breakfast about Remus' mum... neither of us went, but I gathered this much. We were huddled in bed, kissing and crying and just holding each other. I know what Remus feels like... the whole world's slid out from under his feet, and he needs something to cling to. And that's what I'm for._

_Well anyway. I was holding him close and kissing him while he cried, and James and Pete came thundering up the stairs, and slammed open the door._

_"REMUS! ARE YOU O-" Was all James got out, and then they just stood there, mouths hanging open. If it hadn't been such a serious situation, I would have thrown something in James' mouth. _

_"Er..." I said. Remus just cried on my shoulder. _

_"Oh." James said again, quietly. And then Peter fainted, and the frozen moment broke._

_"Look, James, I can explain." I said._

_"Just don't bother." God, the way he said that. I understand what venomous means now. And he looked at us... like... God. And then he levitated Peter out of there, and we were left on my bed, crying and crying together. _

_And now Remus is asleep, and I'm writing. God, James is a fucking arsehole. Apparently ten years of friendship mean nothing. God, he's a fucker. I'm gonna kick his fucking arse, when he comes up here. _

_Now though, I'm just going to hold Remus and let him sleep._

_He's still crying._

_July 12th, fifth year_

_I hate James Potter. _

_He came up to the dorm at about one in the morning, with Pete. Pete just headed for bed, as if he was scared. I got up carefully so I didn't wake Remus, and went straight over to James. _

_"So are you gonna be a bastard, or let me explain?" I... well... snarled. I was pissed. Still am. _

_"Get away from me, faggot."_

_"Fucking make me."_

_And then he punched me. Bastard. I guess it must have woken Remus up, because he was sitting up in bed, his red-rimmed eyes wide. He leaped out of bed and ran over to me, touching my face. I was bleeding quite a lot, and pretty dazed... I could just watch as Remus stood up, angrier than I had ever seen him, and said the first words he'd said since his mother died. _

_"You're a fucking bastard." He hissed, and then Remus hit James. Hard. As in, werewolf hard. James literally went flying across the room, and Remus just stared at him coldly. Then he turned back and helped me up. _

_"Come on Siri, you need to go to the hospital wing."_

_He walked me to the hospital, and Pomfrey freaked._

_"My dear boy, what has happened to you?" I was still kind of woozy, so I just made a sort of "gleeeeeeah" noise, but Remus responded for me. (I love him.)_

_"James Potter punched him."_

_"Why?" She asked, already bustling around preparing to heal me._

_"He walked in on us kissing." Remus said. Pomfrey freaked for a second, but then just ignored it, nodding and continuing looking for some potion. I love her too. Also McGonagall. It's sad that our teachers reactions were better than our best friends._

_Anyway, Pomfrey healed me up, and then Remus spoke to her in his politest tone. _

_"You may want to check James out. I hit him pretty hard." He said with utmost calm, then walked over to my bed and sat down next to it._

_"You feeling okay?" He whispered lovingly, while Pomfrey rushed out._

_"Are you?" I asked back._

_He nodded. "Better, I think." _

_I smiled at him and he smiled back, and kissed me gently. And I think he was feeling better. Take his mind off it and all that. _

_Pomfrey came through awhile later, levitating James. He was still unconscious. Peter followed, he had evidently been trying to carry James down, judging by how tired he was. He watched for awhile as Pomfrey fixed James up for awhile, then came over to us._

_"Hey." He said really quietly. We just looked at him coldly, waiting for whatever was coming._

_"Just so you know, I don't mind. I wish you happiness." He smiled, and Remus smiled back, the first real smile I'd seen on him for what felt like ages. _

_"Thanks Pete. It means a lot." Remus said._

_I nodded. "Yeah, man." My voice was all croaky... I think I was still a bit woozy. I hit my head pretty hard on the floor. "Thanks."_

_Peter smiled, then headed back over to see if James was okay._

_Remus smiled, and kissed my temple. "You sleep now. I'll be right here when you wake up."_

_I think I nodded, but I'm not sure. I pretty much passed out. _

_When I woke up, James was gone, but Remus was still there, and so was Pete, who had brought us a bunch of sweets and cupcakes for breakfast._

_"Thanks Pete." I grinned, sitting up. "G'morning, beautiful." I kissed Remus gently... just a quick kiss, didn't want to scare Pete off._

_"Morning, love." Remus smiled, getting out of his seat and sitting on the bed beside me. "I've just been talking to Pete about our relationship, so he can understand better._

_Peter nodded. "How long has this been going on, anyway?" _

_"Six months." I answered. _

_"Woah." Pete seemed impressed. "Have you... er... done anything?"_

_"We had sex, yes." Remus answered, and believe it or not, I was the one that blushed. _

_"Oh. Was it... was it good?"_

_"Actually, I hated it." Remus teased. "I don't think we'll ever do it again."_

_"Nooo!" I cried in mock horror. We spent a couple of hours like that, the three of us just joking and laughing, getting used to each other again. Remus was happier than I had seen him for two days. It was great._

_Pete left at lunchtime, saying he had to go eat, or James would get suspicious. We waved goodbye, and then Remus sighed, suddenly downcast again._

_"What?" I asked._

_"The funeral's in an hour and a half." He said hoarsely._

_Oh. _

_I didn't say anything, just wrapped him in my arms while he cried, long and hard, but this time there was an end to the tears. He wiped his face and got off me, standing up. _

_"I'm gonna go find Madam Pomfrey and ask her if you can go so we can get ready." He said shakily. I nodded, and sat up. Even if I wasn't allowed to leave, there was no way I'd let Remus go to that funeral alone. _

_He came back and wordlessly helped me out of bed, holding me tightly for a second, before we walked up to the dorm. I gripped his hand tightly the entire way, not caring who saw. At this point it just doesn't seem to matter._

_We got changed quickly, and Remus started to cry again. He's asleep next to me at the moment, poor guy must not have slept last night. I'll have to wake him up in a sec, Pete just came up to get changed for the funeral. James isn't coming, of course. _

_I'm gonna wake Rem up, help him through this thing, and then kill James Potter. _

_July 12, fifth year_

_I think this is the worst day of my life. _

_When I woke Rem up, he was back to being silent and upset, and I can't blame him. I hugged him extra hard and held his hand all the way to Dumbledore's office. Pete and Lily were there, and the second we arrived, Lily hugged Remus. He didn't hug her back, but again, I know he appreciated the hug. He squeezed my hand the whole time. Nobody said anything about us holding hands, Dumbledore just twinkled. _

_We flooed to the funeral parlour, and the whole thing... it was just horrendous. I mean, the ceremony was lovely... lots of people said things and stuff. There wasn't any priest or anything, they just had family and friends get up and speak as they wanted. At least twenty people said things before Remus decided to. He didn't say anything to me about it, just walked straight on up there holding my hand. _

_"My mother was..." He said, trembling all over, and I squeezed his hand for support. I dunno if it helped or what, but he kept going. "My mother was a brilliant woman. I loved her with all my heart. She will never be forgotten by those that loved her..." And that was all he could say, because he started crying again. I held him, and we walked off the stage area together, as a woman Joanne Lupin had been in book club for seventeen years with stepped up to speak._

_We walked over to Peter and Lily, and Lily embraced Remus again, then pulled me aside for a quick word while Peter tried to talk to Remus._

_"Look, I know this is a really horrible time to ask, but you and Remus..." Lily asked me, staring at her hands which she was twisting and fiddling with._

_"We're together." I said firmly. For the past six months, we had both been as secretive as possible, but now none of that seemed to matter. _

_"Oh." Lily said, then smiled. "How long?"_

_"Six months."_

_"Oh." Then another smile. "Well, congratulations. Why isn't Potter here?"_

_"He didn't take the news so well. He punched me, and Remus knocked him out."_

_"Bastard." Lily said furiously. I blinked in surprise. Since when does Lily Evans swear?_

_I nodded. "Pretty much. I wouldn't be surprised if he asks to change dorms."_

_"So you're not friends anymore?"_

_I shook my head. "Ten years of friendship go down the drain the second someone decides to be different."_

_Lily sighed, and we went back over to Pete and Remus. It was pretty awkward over there, Peter was staring worriedly at Remus, who was just looking off into the distance, not even seeing what was in front of his eyes._

_"Hi, beautiful." I whispered, kissing him. "How you doing?"_

_"I need to get out of here." He whispered back, and I nodded. We left without another word. Outside, we sat under a tree, and Remus rested his head on my shoulder and cried. It was a more final sort of crying though, and I think he's going to be okay now. Hopefully._

_We sat there until the funeral ended and we were supposed to floo back, when Lily and Pete came and got us. For once, Pete's social awkwardness just vanished... he came out as we were standing up, and wordlessly hugged Remus. And Remus smiled, and hugged him back._

_"Thanks, Pete. Thanks for coming, and thanks for being okay with this, and thanks for hugging me, and thanks for being my friend. You're the best."_

_"It's my job." Peter smiled, and let Remus go. He took my hand again, and I squeezed it encouragingly, and was answered with a squeeze of Remus' own._

_"Come on guys, the floo's waiting." Lily said, walking up. Remus smiled, and walked over to hug her. Lily seemed slightly surprised, but she hugged him back._

_"Thank you too, Lily. You're a great friend."_

_"Any time." She smiled, patting his back and releasing him. "Now come on, Dumbledore's waiting."_

_We all headed back to the parlour, and Remus didn't let go of my hand until we had to floo. _

_He's in the library now, I think he needed to be alone, and I'm in the common room. James is giving me and Pete both filthy looks, Pete because he and Lily are talking, and me for the obvious reason._

_And hey... James is standing up._

_July 13, fifth year_

_I will KILL James Potter._

_I will. _

_So... James stood up, just as Remus came back into the common room. Remus didn't notice, and came to sit by me, and sneakily clasp my hand (we've gotten good at sitting so the robes disguise it.)_

_And then James started to speak. _

_"Fucking POOFTERS."_

_Well, that got the whole common room's attention._

_"They are, they're fucking poofters. See, they're even holding hands now, in the middle of the fucking common." _

_For some reason, there was no doubt who he was talking about. Every single eye in the common room slid over to us. Remus gripped my hand so hard it hurt. _

_And then Lily stood up._

_She's my hero._

_"James Potter, you are this world's biggest fucking bastard! You wonder why I won't go out with you, when you claim to love me constantly, while when you're confronted with real love, you parade it about like it's the worst thing that's ever happened! I'm just sick of you, James! If you ever fucking come close to me, Sirius, or Remus again, I will personally gut you, tear off your dick, and shove it down your throat! I hope you fucking rot!" With that, the whole common room staring at her in more shock than had been directed at us, Lily stormed off, Peter following her wordlessly. James' whole face seemed to crumble in horror. It wasn't the first time we had seen Lily yell at James (indeed, it's pretty much weekly entertainment round here) but she's never been this severe, and never ever sworn. I was pretty pissed too, so I got up to yell as well, pulling Remus by default._

_"James, you're a fucker. Ten years of being friends with me, and five with Remus obviously mean shit all if all of a sudden we decide to be different, right? Well fuck you. Pete doesn't have a problem with us. Hell, even fucking McGonagall doesn't give a shit. It's just you, James, you and all your spoiled, bigoted ways, fucking up everyone else's happiness. And I'm fucking sick of it. Nobody do anything, James Potter might be offended! Fuck that. Goodbye, James." And then I pulled Remus out of the common room, probably to go find Lily and Pete, I can't remember. _

_Well, we did find them... right outside the portrait... pretty much attached at the lips._

_"Er..." Lily said, all flustered, detaching herself from Pete utterly. They both looked embarrassed as hell._

_I just grinned. "Good on ya." And then Rem and I went to the Room of Requirement to give them some space. _

_We stayed there until really late, to make sure James would be asleep, before coming up to bed. Rem's asleep on me now, and I'm about to go to sleep too. Just figured I'd write all this down. I'm so glad of all my friends. And my Rem, who I love more than life itself. God I'm happy._

"HARRY!" Came Hermione's voice from downstairs. "We've got a visitor."

Startled, Harry pocketed the diary, and headed down the stairs. In the lounge room, Hermione was handing a cup of tea to... Remus.

"Remus!" Harry cried in surprise. The last person he had expected to see. He had been so lost in the world of a long-ago Hogwarts, that he hadn't so much as spared a thought for the events of the previous day. Now though, they all came back to him in a rush, and he needed nothing more than to make sure Ron's family were okay, to protect Ron the way Sirius had protected Remus.

"What happened, is everyone okay? The Weasleys? Was anyone hurt?"

"Harry, relax. Everyone's okay. Miss Weasley was asking after you."

_Ginny._ "Thank God." He sighed, looking at Ron. The redhead met his eyes, huge relief showing in those beautiful sapphire orbs. God, he loved Ron.

Remus nodded, putting his tea aside. "I have to go, but I'll be back. There's something I need to discuss with you three."

"Wait... Remus?" Harry asked, making up his mind in a split second. "Can I just talk to you privately for a second? I need to ask you something."

"Of course, as long as it's quick, Harry. I need to let Molly know you're all alright, she was quite frantic."

Harry nodded, leading Remus into a small room off the hallway.

"What's the matter, Harry?" Remus asked pleasantly.

Wordlessly, Harry pulled out the battered journal, watching as Remus' golden eyes widened in recognition.

_A/N: Much as I hate to, I have to end it there. I don't know if I'll update again until next week, tomorrow I'll be in town all day, and then I'm going away for the weekend. I'll TRY to write something tomorrow evening though, if I can. This is the fastest updating story I've ever had... the chapters are flowing like water YEYZ_

_I love reviews._

_Thanks to Beth5572, ayydereVoltaire, EvilSquirrelGirl, EverlastingNight, and ToLoveMyOtherSelf._

_I promise you all, Sirius and Remus' world WILL get better (and so will Harry's!_


	7. Entry 7

_A/N: This is for the Elim students who died in a flash flood last week. Goddess bless their souls, wherever they are now. (I'm sure the blessing of my wicked heathen Goddess doesn't mean much to them, but hey.)_

_Disclaimer: You know it, I know, it, we all know it, do I have to say it?_

_Warning: Ditto._

_I Love My Sirius: Lita. Reason number 11. x3 I LUV U SO MUCH LETZ GT MARID AN HAV LITL IMPOSIBL BABIEZ_

_Note: If you've been wondering why I love Lita so much, SHAME ON YOU! Haha but srsly, on my LJ (link in my profile) there are two recent works of our sheer and utter genius that you should go and see, because we're geniuses and know Remus and Sirius in and out. We're also kinky and have twisted minds YAY. If nothing else, it's good for a laugh. Because we rock._

_Another note: Yes, Lily and Peter. I put a lot of thought into that one, because I wasn't sure if I'd do it or not. I decided to in the end, for five outstanding reasons._

_1: Lily's a very powerful person, and we all know Peter likes nothing more than someone powerful to protect him_

_2: Lily wants to hurt James, and since Peter seems to be the closest friend he has left, that's about the worst thing she could do._

_3: Peter's fifteen, and Lily's HAWT. Plus she's like, a demon in the sack. Not that Pete'll ever find out... B)_

_4: Peter's never been the popular one, with the hot girl and good marks, and just for once, he wants/deserves to be the winner._

_5: It's a good additional motive for him betraying the Potters; he was bitter, the same way Snape was. Could also be why he and Snape were so... ehe... tense in HBP._

_Yet another note: Smeg. I just realised I bunged up the timeline totally... school was supposed to have ended awhile ago. Stoopid me. SO, I've ended school on the day it usually starts, with the excuse that it's in the past, they might have FOLLOWED A DIFFERENT SCHOOL YEAR OOOOH. Yeah. That's my excuse. -nods-_

_Heh it's actually because I'm used to the NZ school year, which has it's big holiday over Christmas-New Years, and has little two week holidays every ten weeks._

_WHEN WILL THE NOTES END!? Erm. I just wanted to say that halfway through this chapter, something in my social life that's been pretty much shit for a long time worked itself out, and that made me happy. And so I wrote pain and misery and suffering, as I am so full of emo. -angsty tear-_

**The Super Duper Mega Secret Diary Of Sirius Orion Black**

Remus began to speak very quickly. "Harry, I can explain about all that. It was a long time ago, and we were youn-"

Harry held up a hand. "You can relax. I'm not going to be a bastard like my father. I just want to know why you never told me."

"Well, Harry..." Remus sighed. "It was exactly that we were afraid of. That you would freak out, and not speak to either of us again. And after Sirius died, it was just too painful for me to tell you. I had no idea he still had all this stuff in his room... God." Remus took the book from Harry's hands, gently opening it to a well worn page, that had clearly been read over and over. Harry didn't pry, just watched a tenderness flow over his ex-professor's face, followed by an intense pain and longing. He sighed, features rearranging themselves, and passed the book back.

"You can keep this, Harry. Sirius would have wanted you to know. There are also photos concealed in his bedframe... you can keep them too. I've got my own copies."

"Thanks." Harry said slightly hoarsely, and just as Remus was about to leave, blurted out "Wait. Ron and I... er... well..."

Remus smiled. "Congratulations. You make a sweet couple."

Harry nodded. "It was only because of this that I realised. So... er... thanks."

"No problem." Remus grinned, and opened the door. I do have to go now, hopefully Molly hasn't blown anything up by now, trying to go looking for you three. I'll be back later."

Harry nodded. "Don't tell anyone."

"Wasn't planning on it."

When Harry returned to the lounge, Ron gave him a searching look, and Harry shrugged slightly in response. Hermione smiled from her seat next to Ron, gesturing to a cup of tea she had clearly made for Harry.

He sat down wearily, accepting it.

"So. I talked to Remus, and he thinks it's a good idea for us to stay here, for the time being. It's a lot safer than just about anywhere else. I think everyone would understand if you wanted to go somewhere else though, Harry."

"No, it's okay. I'm gonna go back up to Sirius' room." He stood up again, tea untouched. He needed to escape his own reality again, only for awhile.

He climbed back up to his Godfathers (and Remus' too probably, Harry realised) room in silence; neither Ron nor Hermione stopped him. When he got there he sat down on the no longer dusty bed, skimming quickly to find his place.

_July 15, fifth year_

_The past two days have been pretty much the same. Dumbledore's given Remus and I both time off... He didn't explain to any of the rest of the staff why I got time off, but nobody questioned it. We've spent a lot of time wandering the castle aimlessly... nobody gives us shit if we hold hands or anything, they're not as shitheaded as James. Speaking of James, he's totally ignoring us, and attempting to ignore Lily and Pete, who seem to make a point of attaching themselves to each other the second he comes near. I may sound cruel, but it's always fun to watch James' face crumble at that. _

_Rem is feeling a lot better, thank God. We got... er... intimate again the other night. God, I don't mean to sound like such a fairy, but he is really beautiful when we're... erm... you know. (I say that as a figure of speech, as I still refuse to grant this diary any kind of humanity.) His hair (which reaches the middle of his back now) fans out around him, and his face takes on this... expression of bliss. I don't know how to describe it. He's just beautiful. And then when we're finished, he'll give this lazy smile and kiss me, and then he cuddles right up and falls asleep, and looks like an angel. _

_God, I really do sound like a flaming poof. It's okay though, 'cuz I love him, and that's enough. I think that's what he needs, what he's always needed. To be loved._

_Jeeze, sappy much? _

_Haha._

_I love Remus though, and now I know for sure that whatever adversity we face in the future, our love is strong enough to keep us together through it all._

_Okay, I'm just gonna stop now. _

_G'night._

_July 18, fifth year_

_Rem and I had to go back to class today. I think it helped him, being able to study, and be normal. He sure seemed more cheerful. _

_Oh, and something weird happened to me earlier. I was up here on Rem's bed, getting some notes for our homework, and guess what snotrag decided to talk to me?_

_Yep. James Potter. He came over and sat down on Rem's bed. (He wouldn't be sitting there if he knew what we'd been doing in this bed, heh heh heh.) _

_"Piss off, Potter." I glared at him_

_"Look Sirius, just hear me out."_

_"No. You forfeit that right the second you punched me. There's no 'big redemption' for James Potter. I'm afraid you've lost. Lost your girl, lost your fanclub, even lost your best friends. Goodbye, James." I got up, and left. He didn't try to follow... I think he knows he deserves it. I just don't give a shit about him anymore. He's a bigoted spoiled fuck, too stuck in old fashioned ways to care about anything but himself. Like a Gryffindor version of my family. Fucking purebloods are all the same._

_August 1, fifth year_

_The year's over. What a weird thought. _

_I'm going home, to Hell, and Rem is going to stay with his dad. I'm gonna miss the hell out of him. _

_We said a long goodbye on the train, so we wouldn't be doing the whole kissy goodbye in front of anyone. As much as we don't mind holding hands and stuff, I think passionate making out in the middle of a platform full of our family and friends just might be a bit weird. _

_We went out hand in hand though, and... wound up kissing subtly in an area just concealed by some walls, until Rem's dad came to get him. He didn't seem to care who was wrapped around his son, just told Remus to say goodbye and get ready to go, then left with Rem's trunk. We said our last goodbyes, promised to write, and then he left, and Reg and mum showed up like magic. They didn't say a word to me, we all just bundled into the car and headed home. I've got a few photos of Rem and I that Pete took, and I'm looking at them right now, and missing him. I reckon I'll make a place to hide them, so I can get them out whenever I want._

_Then I'm gonna write him a letter._

_August 2, hols._

_I have to get out of here._

_I've been in my room since I got back, having Kreacher bring me food, and just looking at the photos of Rem and me. I know it's kinda risky, but I put one on the bedside table, in the frame that used to have a picture of the four of us in. I've stuck it on the wall instead._

_Anyway, this morning when I was asleep, Reg came in to call me for breakfast. He sort of gave me a shove like he didn't want to touch me, or he'd get corrupted by my Gryffindority or whatever. I don't get fourteen year olds. _

_Anyway, he shoved me, and I grabbed him for a tickle. Kid's still my baby brother, even if he's a spoiled Slytherin brat. So I tickled him and noogied him and generally roughed him up for waking me, which was pretty much the stupidest thing I've ever done, because he saw the picture on the sidetable. His eyes went all wide, and he stopped fighting and just stared at it. And then he jumped up and glared at me._

_"POOFTER!" He yelled, and ran downstairs._

_I can hear him now, talking to mum. She's gonna come up here and slap me, call me a disgrace to the Noble House Of Black, Tojours Pur, ect. Well fuck her. I'm putting everything I need in a bag and leaving. I'll have to go to James' house, see if I can floo from there to Rem's dad's place. He won't mind, he's a decent bloke. It'll be a bit difficult to explain everything to him, but I'm sure there won't be a problem. _

_Hopefully._

_August 2, hols_

_I'm at James' house. His parents are far too sweet. Seriously._

_I got here and his mum answered the door. I asked if I could use the floo, said I'd left home, and she invited me to stay here. I tried to explain that I wasn't talking to James at the moment, I just needed the floo, but she wouldn't have any of it. _

_Much as I hate to do it, since Mr. and Mrs. Potter are so nice, I think I'll have to sneak away. They're asleep now - James didn't say a word when he saw me, just went to bed - and I've left them a note, I'm gonna floo over to Remus' now._

_August 3, hols._

_Today has been glorious._

_The sun is shining, and Remus and I are together again. He just told his dad I was a friend staying, and he didn't seem to care - Rem's dad apparently works all day every day, so he doesn't really see much of him. We're cuddled on Rem's... well, our bed at the moment, and Rem's rubbing my thigh, which is really rather distr--_

_Dammit. I have no resolve whatsoever. And my boyfriend is a sex fiend._

_A sex fiend who giggles like a woman._

_Ow. But hits like a guy, definitely._

_Matter of fact, he's a pillow ninja._

_So, James' parents floo called in the morning to make sure I was ok, but I reassured them that I needed to stay with Remus for awhile for some reason, I don't even remember what, and in the end, Remus shut them up by coming over, kissing me softly, and asking if I wanted a cuppa, then pretending to be surprised that I was talking to someone. Git. God I love him. _

_Mr. and Mrs. Potter just smiled, looked at each other, and said their goodbyes. I wonder how a git like James came out of them._

_Mind you, people have asked how I can possibly be related to my family._

_I hate them. _

_Oh hey Rem, leave my ear alone. I'm sure it can't taste good._

_August 10, hols_

_The past week has been pretty much the best of my life. It's just me and Rem, in a little cottage in the middle of a farmland. There' so much to do... a forest to explore, fields to romp in, even a little lake for skinnydipping. (Which I must admit, is a lot more fun in theory. In theory, you see, your junk doesn't freeze off.) Rem and I have been loving every second of it, for certain. This is the best holiday of my life; country breezes, Remus, flowers, Remus, birds singing, Remus, oh, and did I mention Remus?_

_I love him so much._

_August 12_

_Rem's dad is off work today. He sat down in front of us at the breakfast table (We were doing our usual eating-while-secretly-holding-hands routine) and just asked us how long we had been dating. Just like that._

_As it turned out, he was okay with it. He had kind of guessed the other night when he got home early, to... uhm... noises. Yyyeah._

_He wasn't really bothered though, just wants us to be careful. All the usual stuff adults say. And then he hugged Rem, then me, and went outside to do some gardening. We're on the sofa now, enjoying not having to worry as much about getting caught; Rem's sitting in my lap, playing with my feet. And now he's running his hands up and down my thighs. _

_I think I'm going to have to take this opportunity to remind him that HIS DAD IS HERE AND WE HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. SO TOUGH._

_Heh, heh, heh._

_Now I'm rubbing his thigh, just in punishment._

_I wonder how the hell we'll survive today..._

_A/N: Ahh and the world is happy again. Only not fully... MWAHAHA._

_So yeah, school will start on October 1. That gives them two lovely months off for PLOT DEVELOPMENT OOOOH._

_Yeah, fags. _

_REVIEW TIEM_

_I Threw Berries At Tomo!: haii grrl wat u up 2? hae remus sez ily 2 sirius yea yea. dere imposi-baby is kikin him an he wantz sirius 2 cum an feel. o an ill get u wit da beries nex tiem! ily! REASUN ELEVUNZ! HEARTZORZ_

_And thanks for the reviews to; dracolover18, ayydereVoltaire, riseofafallenanger, EverlastingNight, blackdog7, ToLoveMyOtherSelf, and reapergrrl_

_Oh, and a shout out to Nöwan Emo McFagster. Nöwan Gothy McDykester loves you. In a non-homosexual way, of course. After all, she wouldn't want to be a LESBIAN, would she? Oooh that fucking dyke. Heh. ILY._


	8. Entry 8

A/N: It's been awhile, yeah? Well I've had some personal issues, and I was doing a writing challenge I haven't actually finished yet... -shifty looks- oh well, have fanfic anyway.

Warning: Suck my cock.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Dedication: Know what? What? I LOVE MELITA! And Remus loves Sirius, Lilith, and the twins! AWWW CUTE FAMILY

Another note: So I bunged up the timeline AGAIN. The holidays actually start on the third week of June and end September 1 according to the books. So in the 70s they started on August 1 and ended October 1, k? k. -nods-

ANOTHER note: I should proof read BEFORE posting. So in the last chapter, Mr. Lupin finds Remus and Sirius kissing at the station, then only realises they're going out when he gets home to hott hott buttsecks. erm... oops. Yeah, I screwed up big time there, sorry :S Just lyke... pretend it never happened, yeah?

ANOTHER NOTE OMG SHUT UP ALREADY HOR!: Yes, there is NO Harry this chapter, besides the small paragraph at the end. I've had a weird few weeks, and writing Harry in this fic feels strained at times, so I think I shall focus on the diary more, at least until I get back into my writing groove. I've been pretty badly 'beaten' (mentally and emotionally) these past few weeks, so I don't want to push it. Not to mention the fact that I'm sick as a dog right now -.-

**The Super Duper Mega Secret Diary Of Sirius Orion Black**

_August 17, hols._

_James Potter is a berk._

_He came to visit today. _

_Rem and his dad went out for awhile, Rem had to have his yearly checkup by those gits at the Ministry, and didn't want me to come. It's apparently Hell for him, poor baby._

_So, I was just sitting in the kitchen, reading a quidditch magazine, thinking about how much I love Rem, when James came through the floo._

_Apparently his parents had told him about me and Rem, and were surprised that he knew, and about his reaction. Serves him right for being such a git. _

_His mum spent a good hour shouting some sense into him, then sent him over to patch things up... a little late. James just stared at me, then started crying._

_"Padfoot, I've been such a git to you and Moony." He said, and I rolled my eyes._

_"You only just noticed? Sure you haven't switched brains with Snivelly?"_

_"No, I mean it. God, how could I have said those things? I'm so, so sorry. Please, Sirius..."_

_"No, James. I told you. You had your chance, you blew it. So just bugger off, let me and Rem be happy. If you were ever our friend, you'll give us that." _

_"...Okay." James sighed, heading for the fireplace, just as Rem opened the door. _

_"Siri, we're h-" He froze when he saw James, and his dad walked into his back. _

_"James." Remus whispered, dropping the bag of groceries he was holding. _

_"Remus, I... sorry. I'm going now. I'm sorry... for everything." He headed towards the fireplace, dragging his feet slightly. Sneaky git._

_Rem though, is more forgiving than I'll ever be. I still have that Black side to me. Maybe that's why I love him so much... he's so much better than me. He ran up to James and hugged him. James was really shocked, but he hugged back._

_"Thank you so much, Moony. I... God, I can't believe I've been such a git about you two, all this time. I'm so, so sorry, I don't even know why I reacted like that, I just panicked." James babbled and Remus nodded, rubbing his back gently._

_"It's okay, James. It's all okay. You're forgiven, absolutely forgiven. It's completely understandable."_

_I just watched them, and then came up here, to Rem's room. Well... our room, really. God, I can't believe how forgiving Rem is sometimes. I suppose it still surprises him sometimes that he has friends, so he cuts us a lot of slack. Too much, for sure. Except me, he knows I'd die without him, so I have to be the whipped one. Not that I'm complaining..._

_August 19, hols._

_Remus talked to James a lot that day, and then came and talked to me. I don't know if I'm fully ready to forgive James yet, but I think I understand a little more. Prejudices just get to me, probably because of my family. Remus is still amazing. I love him so much. _

_Yesterday, his dad took us grocery shopping. Muggle things are so strange._

_Remus! Remus! Stop hitting me! Ow! That hurts like a motherfucker. That's it!_

_Ahaha. We just had a tickle war. Oh, joyful. _

_Anyway, the grocery shopping was pretty fun, I managed to push Remus into the trolley and ran around the store with him, until we were kicked out. Oh, I love him._

_Him, you, whatever._

_Ow! No biting!_

_You ask why I'm writing, rather than speaking? Because I want to document this. One day Pete and Lily's children may be reading this, and will want to know exactly what we get up to._

_Oh sorry sorry. Lily and Pete/James' children. Or some unknown stranger. Or someone else._

_Fuck, you're pedantic._

_Damn right I love it._

_September 4, hols._

_The past few days have been pretty cruisy. We had a Marauders Reunited party and went skinnydipping. James is being extra nice to Rem and I, and he even resisted the urge to kill Peter over the whole Lily issue. It was pretty fun. Not that any of us will ever use our genitals again, as they're frozen solid._

_I wonder if Remus would unfreeze my genitals if I asked him._

_Heh, heh, heh._

_October 2, SIXTH year._

_Wahoo! We're sixth years now! It's great being back, everything's back to normal. Unfortunately, James is pissed at Pete, and Rem and I get awkward questions at every turn. Honest to god, I would have sex with him in the middle of the Great Hall if it'd stop people bothering us. For fuck's sakes. _

_Things are really good again though. Remus and I had a picnic this afternoon, under our favourite weeping willow. He threw cake at me. _

_Hey, know what?_

_Seven days from now, it'll be our nine month anniversary._

_Three months from that, and we will have been together a whole year._

_It's been the best year of my life. _

_God I love Remus. _

_I love him. I love him. I love him._

_I want to marry him one day._

_December 9, sixth year_

_HEEEEY! I'm a leeetle tipsy, because Jamesiepoodle desided for our last aneversary before our year one thingy, there would be a Marauder partaaay! Whee! Even Remus is drunk, and we're going to go have wild drunken sex now, MERRY CHRISTMAS!_

_Love, Santa Sirius in my Santa hat!_

_December 12, sixth year_

_Ohh I was pissed then. Ha ha._

_Yeah, Remus and I got back from a romantic night in the Room of Requirement, and James had prepared a pissup for us. It was kind of fun, and as I have discovered, Rem is a demon in the sack when drunk. Ohh I love him. And his hands, and his mouth, and certain other parts of him._

_Ahahaha James just peeked over my shoulder and gagged in horror. Take THAT, homophobe man!_

_Oh, I love my life._

_December 26, sixth year._

_CHRIIIISTMASSS!_

_I love Christmas here._

_It was our first Christmas together, and I loved it. I gave Remus a huge block of chocolate and a bracelet. Not a girly one, but a manly chain kind of thing with a tag kinda thing engraved with _'To Remus, with my undying love. I would give you my heart, but it's been yours since the moment we met. Love, Sirius.' _which he adored. I thought it was a little sappy, but Remus absolutely loved it. He's wearing it now. And touching my stomach with it, which is bloody cold. Oh this silly, silly man that I love. I'll have to poke him with something later. _

_He gave me a bumper bag of dungbombs, and a ring. Again, a manly one, with engraving on the inside, looping round and round. That man does not know how to shut up sometimes. Ow. (Wonder if we shopped at the same place? Ha ha.) It says _'Sirius, my love. I love you more than you could ever know, my life can never be complete without you. Eternal, neverending, limitless love, Remus.' _Aww. _

_I love you too._

_No, I love you more._

_No, I love you more._

_No, you._

_No, you._

_You._

_You._

_You._

_Tee hee. We're such poofters._

_Ow._

_December 29, sixth year_

_I suppose I should write what the others gave me for christmas, as they are my mates, and I'm bored out of my skull. Moony's studying. STUDYING! In the holidays! That boy is mad, I tell you._

_Well, from James, I got a book entitled _'Homosexuality And You; The Wizarding Edition.' _I laughed for about ten minutes._

_From Pete, I got a subscription to a motorcycle magazine with a bunch of pictures. Brilliant, though I may have to stick my Rem's face over some of these birds. Heh._

_Ooooh he's back from the horrible pit of Library doom. Sex time._

_January 2, sixth year_

_Pete and James left today. They went home, but Rem and I are staying alone. On New Years we celebrated in style, and I got a New Years kiss from someone I really love. Actually James was pissed and tried to kiss me, but I shoved him off and snogged Rem instead. _

_And now we have the castle to ourselves. Again. I love the holidays. Just a week before our anniversary. Seven days that are guaranteed to drag on and on. But I can wait. I could wait forever for Remus._

_January 3, sixth year._

_I CAN'T WAIT._

_Last night, Remus and I decided that for a really special anniversary, we'll celebrate on every day of the week leading up to it too. Last night we had dinner in bed together. That's it, nothing kinky. In our pyjamas under the covers, side by side, eating. We do it all the time. This time felt special though, and it was one of the best moments of my life. Tonight we're dressing up in formalwear for dinner and dancing in the Room of Requirement. I don't know what's happening tomorrow, but it's exciting._

_January 3, sixth year. _

_Last night was amazing. Remus is a really good dancer, and my parents made me take lessons, so we danced for ages, and had a fancy dinner, and then went back to the dorm and shagged like beasts. A jolly good time had by all. _

_This afternoon we're going to have one of our Willow picnics. I shall wear a top hat, as shall Remus, and I'm going to surprise him by bringing us monocles. It shall be most pompous, and we shall probably throw cake at each other._

_January 4, sixth year_

_Yesterday went exactly as I described. I am a cupcake ninja! MWAHAHAHAHA_

_Tonight, I'm taking Remus for a fly. He likes flying, but he's terrible at it, so I'm going to take him for a moonlit ride in the snow on my broom, and it shall be ever so romantic._

_January 5, sixth year_

_We did indeed go flying last night. We flew a really long way, wound up in this snowy field, and had a snowball fight, then made a snowman, and we were going to try snowsex but it was too cold, so we came home and had by-the-fire sex. Much healthier for one's warmth._

_January 6, sixth year_

_Today was Remus's idea, and he didn't actually let me know ahead of time. This is how it went down._

_I awoke, disoriented and chained to the bedposts. The keys were within reach, so I detached myself and found a note at the end of the bed, just telling me to follow the white rabbit. There were white rose petals leading out of the room which I followed, to a note by the common room fire, that said 'down the rabbithole.' There was a cutout rabbit on the back of the fat lady, so out I went and followed the petals down to the Room of Requirement, which was full of Remus in... you will never believe... an Alice in Wonderland dress. He looked really cute. It may sound faggotish, but I got to wear a dress too, and we had a tea party. I never thought I would enjoy something like that, but it's the most fun I've had in ages, and Remus looks very beautiful in a dress... just feminine enough. I probably looked like a right ponce. Ah well. It was great fun anyway._

_Tomorrow, I'm planning his surprise, and since I know he's going to read this, I won't write it down. Ha ha ha._

_January 7, sixth year_

_Ah, ze surprized Remus plan!_

_Haha. Just imagine a stupid accent on that sentence._

_I put chocolate by Remus' bed to wake him up, and used his rose petal idea to lead him to the Room, where we pigged out. Chocolate everything. Sauce, sundaes, blocks, bars, milk, everything. That man is a sucker for anything cocoa based. It was very adorable. His eyes lit up and then he snogged me very thoroughly._

_Tomorrow we're just going to have a normal day together. Do the usual stuff together, and some stuff apart. Think about the last year. The ninth is our anniversary, a whole year. The best year of my life. Fuck, I love Remus._

_January 10_

_Yesterday was beyond words. I can't even describe it, because what we did was mostly just ordinary stuff, but it all felt so magical, so new. One time when we were wandering the castle holding hands, we ran into Dumbledore, and he was doing that thing he does when he knows something he likes, and his eyes go all twinkly. Good man, Dumbledore. _

_I love Remus._

_I will always love Remus._

_Forever and ever._

_And ever._

_And ever._

The following page was another one Remus had provided, just a short snippet.

_January 10_

_Yesterday was my and Sirius' one year anniversary. It was glorious, just like I had hoped, and so much better. I know I haven't written much that was positive since mum died, and I feel bad for that because I've neglected Sirius. He is the most wonderful thing I could ever dream to have, and even if he's fond of doing stupid things like twisting my words and plaiting my hair and biting my ears in class and getting me into trouble and putting chocolate on my mashed potatoes, I still love him. I can't describe how or why, but I do. So very very much. God, he's all I could ever want in life, and so much more. _

_Yeah, I'm going to give him a copy of this to stick in his own diary._

_Oh don't lie Sirius, I know you have a diary, I've sat with you when you wrote in it more than once._

_Well, whatever. I love you._

_Stop biting my ears._

Harry stopped reading at that, frowning. Sirius loved Remus. Remus loved Sirius. He had realised this by now. Why, then, now that Sirius was dead, had Remus been so fast to move into a relationship with Tonks?

Suddenly furious on his godfather's part, Harry decided to have a little word with Remus when he came back. And speak of the devil -

"Harry, Pr-Remus is back!"


	9. Entry 9

A/N: Oh no! Will Harry shout at Remus? Will Remus cry like a little girl? Will Hermione twig that she's in a house with three gay men? Will Mrs. Weasley go so mad with worry that she actually hexes somebody? Let's find out, shall we?

Warning: Remus would like to warn you that magic is not real, and not to attempt to find Platform 9 3/4 by running into your neighbour's brick wall. Tomo has knocked herself unconscious more than once attempting this.

Disclaimer: Remus would also like to say that all characters and settings belong to JKR herself.

Dedication: To Melita. YOUR TURN TO WATCH THE KIDS. YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO TRUST MATTHEW WITH THEM, ESPECIALLY AFTER FRIDAY! XD wuvv. x3

Another note: I dislike Tonks rather a lot, but I understand why Remus would turn to her, especially with the background I'm writing him. And Remus would feel so very guilty, every second of every day. But it's what Sirius wanted, to keep his love safe, so Remus is going along with it. Sirius may be the whipped one, but Remus loves him too much to refuse him this. They're so heartbreakingly sweet. x/3

More noteage: I've been to the hospital recently, and a weird pain thing I've had in my ribs getting worse and worse lately is apparently Costachondritis, a fairly common but serious disorder, which pretty much boils down to the cartilage in my ribs being inflamed. I'm on painkillers all the time and they're helping, but certain movements can hurt it, and typing for long periods of time is one. It doesn't hurt too much, but it still means my writing may suffer, chapters may get shorter, and be a lot further apart. I'm really sorry. Apparently this can last between a few months and forever, though I'm pretty much hoping for the few months option. :(

Another note, because I like the sound of my own voice. Or whatever: In the skipped bit between Remus and Harry re-entering the dining room, and Harry going to bed in Sirius' room, just imagine everything went the way it did in the book. Whatever way that was. (My copy of DH is at my mum's house, and I'm at my dad's right now.) I want to keep this story close to canon, but not stuck to it like glue. This is pretty much canon IF...

OMG do I EVER shut up?: Yes, the 'incident' Sirius refers to is the one from the books. I figure it'd be a very hard time for the two of them, Sirius wouldn't have much time to write, lots of hating, and then crazy kinky makeup sex. Oh, and for those who weren't sure last chapter, when Hermione said "Pr-Remus is back!" she means Remus of course. Still used to Professor Lupin, or something. I dunno. This is another short chapter, just because I felt like that would be a sweet ending. I needed something nice and fuzzy right around now. Bad things coming up next chapter; Ron and Harry have a talk, Hermione reminds us sharply of canon, and Peter's slipping away. I want to document his decline as well, not just have this be a totally fluffy-bunny romance story. ANYWAYITALKWAYTOOMUCHLET'SJUSTREADABOUTALLTHEGAYSEXXOR.

**The Super Duper Mega Secret Diary Of Sirius Orion Black**

Harry hurried downstairs, to find a smiling Remus in the dining room. His fists clenched.

"Remus, could I talk to you for another second?" He asked as politely as he could muster.

Remus blinked in shock. "Sure Harry, no problem." They left together, Harry barely containing his anger.

"Why did you move on so fast?" He near-shouted as soon as they were alone. Remus blinked.

"What?"

"Sirius died, and a year later, you're shacking up with Tonks! So much for undying love!"

Remus sighed and sat down, running a hand through his hair. "Harry. This is not as simple as it seems. First you have to consider the fact that I hated Sirius for thirteen years. We were a couple for five years, not all of them as good as the first, and he was in jail for thirteen, for killing our best friends. I hated him for betraying me, for betraying Lily and James, for betraying Peter, for betraying you. She was only young then, but Dora looked after me, whenever she could. We were fairly close friends. I told Sirius this when he came back, and he understood. He gave me a letter to be opened if he died young, which told me to let Tonks look after me. As little as I wanted to, I did, and it's good. I don't love her the way I loved Sirius, I don't think I'll ever love anyone like that again, but I do love her, and she understands my past with Sirius, and that I'll probably never be able to feel like that again. She loves me a lot more than I love her, which breaks my heart, but what we have is good." He looked wearily at Harry. "I know it seems like betrayal, and that's what it felt like at first, but it's what Sirius wanted. And without Tonks, I don't know if I would be coping at all."

Harry eyed him. "You know, Sirius really loved you."

Remus nodded sadly. "I've read the diary. Things were different after Azkaban. We both changed, separate from each other. By the time we left Hogwarts and got a flat together, we were more like one person than two, but the war made everyone suspicious, it got into everyone's heart and soul. We turned against each other, fought constantly. The number of times I showed up drunk at Lily and James' house is too high to count anymore, while often Sirius would drown his sorrows using... different methods." A flash of something angry appeared in Remus' oddly gold eyes.

"Different methods?" Harry asked cautiously.

"He would go to clubs, and at first he just flirted and danced and got drunk. As our arguments got worse and worse though, he started... going home with other people." Remus' eyes were downcast, clearly lost in painful memories.

"Oh." Harry said, not knowing what else to say.

"Only women though." Remus went on. "He said right at the start that he could do things with women, because it never meant anything. He only ever went home with women. That's about all that kept me hoping for us by the end, that I still meant something to him, when they didn't. Straight after this was thirteen years of complete hatred and regret on my part, and guilt and shame on his. Sometimes I think young love is the strongest because it's the purest, the least tainted. Sirius and I were both tainted, we were never that close again."

Harry didn't know what to say, so he said nothing, and in the end, Remus looked up and smiled grimly. "I'm sorry for being such a downer, but you brought back some painful memories. Things weren't all good in the diary days, anyway. Sirius never did write about any of the arguments we had... more silly ones really, though they didn't seem so at the time. In sixth year, he almost forgot my birthday, and once in fifth year I woke him up by popping a balloon of water over his head." Remus smiled. "There wasn't even any real reason, those were just the kind of things we did in those days. It will always be the happiest time of my life."

Harry nodded sadly. Remus gave him a weary smile.

"Well, I suspect that Ron and Hermione are at least rather curious about what we're discussing, we should probably go back. Did you tell them?"

Harry shook his head. "I didn't really think I should."

Remus nodded. "Well Hermione already knows, she walked in on us once, the summer before your fifth year, when she and Ron were staying here. I take it she doesn't know about you and Ron either?"

Harry shook his head again. "I don't know about me and Ron, really. We... we kissed... but... I'm not gay... I don't think I am... I mean...I ... Ron."

Remus patted his shoulder gently. "You'll figure it out. Whatever happens, you have my support. You can always talk to me."

"But if you're gay-" Harry blinked.

"I'm bisexual, actually." Remus interrupted. "There wasn't really a term for it then, you were either straight or a poofter. Since I had a boyfriend, I fit into the second category." He smiled.

"Right." Harry nodded, and they re-entered the dining room, where Ron and Hermione were waiting.

"What were you talking about?" Hermione asked, looking up from the tea she was making.

"Sirius." Remus smiled pleasantly, and nothing more needed to be said.

000

That evening, Harry, Ron, and Hermione decided they might as well take advantage of the multiple rooms. Hermione was first to bed, heading for the room she had shared with Ginny two years ago, then Harry announced he was going to sleep in Sirius' room.

"I'll come too." Ron squeezed his hand. They hadn't mentioned what had happened yet, merely acknowledged it through simple touches, tender glances across the room.

"No, I want to be alone." Harry squeezed back, and kissed Ron on the cheek. "There's something I'm trying to figure out." He rested his head on Ron's shoulder, taking a brief moment to marvel at how good it was.

"Then let me help." Ron said tenderly. Harry shook his head.

"I have to figure this out alone." He kissed Ron again, on the neck this time. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Ron smiled, kissing Harry's hair. "When you're ready, I'll be there."

"Thanks." Harry kissed Ron's voice box, then stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"You too." Ron stood up as well, kissing Harry sweetly, before the dark haired boy headed upstairs.

Once he was alone, locked in his godfather's room, Harry curled himself between the blankets and took out the diary once more. He figured it couldn't hurt to read a bit more of his godfather's history before bed.

_February 24, Sixth year_

_The past month has been... not so good. Don't get me wrong, it's been great pulling pranks with James and hanging out with Pete and Lily, and just having Rem... just being with him makes me happier than I could ever hope to be without him. He's like a gigantic pie full of happiness._

_But... lately he's been kind of distant. No, that's wrong. We just haven't spent as much time together, I guess. He spends so much time studying, even though we don't have NEWTS until next year, and I've just been busy doing the usual stuff. It's depressing._

_Oh! Something good did happen though. We met Amanda, a lesbian in Hufflepuff. She, her girlfriend, and a few friends are apparently trying to start a gay support group, and since we're the only 'out' couple in the school she was wondering if we could help. We're going with her to discuss it with Dumbledore tomorrow, which... should be interesting. According to Amanda's girlfriend, Jennifer, there have been a few whispers about him, though I won't say more._

_Jamie and I are planning a big prank. We found a spell that paints things different colours, so we're going to see if we can't paint the whole school in rainbows. It'd brighten the place up, don't you think?_

_Mwahahaha._

_March 7, Sixth year_

_Operation Paint The School Red (Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet) went off without a hitch. Filch is still scrubbing it off in places. Brilliant._

_We timed it to coincide with the announcement of the official Hogwarts Gay And Lesbian Alliance club's grand opening. With weekly meetings and whatnot, Rem and I have been getting closer, and we spend a lot more time together now. It's surprising at these meetings how many people we inspire. So many of the members tell us how great it's been for them, that we're out there, it gives them courage to accept who they are. I really enjoy the HGALA meetings, it's basically a big party, only without music and dancing and stuff. Oddly, Dumbledore hasn't missed a meeting. Other professors pop in, and some people bring friends and whatnot, but Dumbledore's there every week. _

_Hahahaha. Wonder how mum would take this._

_Actually, if she had heard, she would have pulled Reg out by now. _

_Hmmm. _

_I miss him some times. Like I've said, he may be an annoying evil Slytherin, but he's still my kid brother. I worry about him occasionally. _

_Oh and Remus, since I know you'll be reading this sometime._

_TWEAK!_

_You owe me five galleons, three sickles, and a shag, please._

_Tip your bowler hat to THIS._

_Love yoooou._

_March 14, sixth year_

_You and your cupcake._

_We had Remus' birthday party yesterday. It was good times. I gave him a book on Troll Wars and a shag. He loved it. _

_Oh, you know you did._

_YOU CAN DENY ALL YOU LIKE BUT I KNOW YOU WEREN'T MOANING IN HORROR._

_Aww I love your long words. They're so flamboyant. See, I can say long things too._

_Shut upppp._

_June 22, sixth year_

_It's sooooooo hoooot._

_No, not the weather, silly, my boyfriend._

_No, that doesn't mean you're an it._

_I did something stupid two months ago. I don't want to talk about it. Neither does Rem. We only just got past it. Snivellus is still mad. Other than that things have been about the same. Remus, studying, meetings, Remus, homework, pranks, Remus, detention, Remus, Remus, Remus, Remus, cupcake pie._

_Yeah, you are my cupcake pie._

_July 27, sixth year_

_Holy fuck on a stick, where on earth did the year go?_

_Exams just finished, Remus is busy sleeping off all the all nighters he pulled and stuff, poor love. _

_Aww. I touched his forehead and he told me to fuck off._

_Feel the love? I do._

_August 1, HOLIDAYS AGAIN_

_We're on the train! Train train trainy train. CHOOO CHOOO._

_No, I will not shut up with the train noises, James. Stop reading over my shoulder. _

_Awwww Remus is asleep on my lap. Oh shit, Lily just came in._

_She and Pete broke up last month, which has made James pretty happy, but neither of them so much. Lily spends most evenings talking to Remus and crying. One time she even slept in his bed, which meant I had to sleep in my own bed, which was lonely. Pete's started drinking a lot and disappears all the time. He did disappear all the time before Lily, but this is... different. He barely even talks to us anymore. It's... worrying._

_James has actually been really sympathetic to both. He's been a total gentleman to Lily, giving her reassurance and comfort when it's appropriate, backing off when it's not, which has thrown her for a loop, and he goes drinking with Pete a lot of the time, which is good I guess. 'Least they're still having mate time. _

_Anyway yeah, Lily came in, and left straight away. Probably looking for Remus. But as I said, he's asleep with his head on my lap. Awww. What a sweetie._

_Man train rides are boring. Naughts and Crosses, Jamie me boy?_

_XOX_

_XO_

_O X_

_I win. HA HA. Shame, four eyes._

_OW NO HITTING YOU'LL WAKE REMUS!_

_August 2, hols_

_It's really nice being back at Rem's house. We get a lot of us time. Today his dad took me grocery shopping, muggle style. Much mayhem caused by all._

_Remus is asleep in the garden. He was watering the roses and then I came and cuddled him until he fell asleep. Yep._

_Now he's asleep in the garden._

_I'm so bored._

_I'm so bored I'm considering doing my holiday homework._

_Naaaaaah._

_Seriously, how weird would it be if I was like that?_

_I think I'll floo-call Jamers..._

_August 8, hols_

_Holidays are so boring when Remus is asleep._

_We're gonna stay at James' house for a couple of days starting this afternoon. It's like six AM, I don't know why I'm awake. If I could get up this early during school, I'd be set._

_Anyway, Pete's coming too and we're gonna throw him a seventeenth birthday he'll never forget._

_Rem, stop glaring at me._

_Fuck you?_

_Okay._

_Hee hee hee._

_August 8, evenninig hee_

_Woah I'm runk. _

_HA HA Im runk._

_Remus says I definitly am runk._

_Hes runk too._

_So is evvyone!_

_WERE ALL RUNK!_

_August 9, hols_

_I sure was runk last night._

_Heh. Yeah, we all got trashed, since Pete's now a man._

_How is that fair? He's older than I am even! My birthday's in three months! Jamie's is in five, and my Remuslove isn't a man for seven months, heh heh heh._

_I know a secret though._

_Remus already made me a man._

_And I made him a woman._

_OW! THAT BLOODY HURT!_

_Bitch hit me._

_OW!_


End file.
